David Snyder:

[inaudible 00:00:05] We were technically sold out tonight. We'll see what's going on. All right.

Normally, I would have a whole bunch of paperwork for you guys to pass out, one as a video release. Here's the rule now, since I'm not going to pass out the video release because it'll put us behind schedule. If I call you up, it's assumed if you actually say yes to the demo, that you were giving me consent to put your ass on camera. By the way, if politically incorrect or colorful metaphors offend you, run screaming for the exits now.

I have no intention to offend anyone, but I do pride myself on telling it like it is. From a neurolinguistic standpoint, there's a very strategic reason why swear words are powerful. They create a very, very strong kick to the reptile brain, to the brainstem, which activates your reptile brain, which gives you about 20 more minutes of attention span, and it makes people laugh, which is an oxytocin release, which also gives me about 20 minutes more attention. Besides the fact that it's just plain fun to shock people, there's actually a strategic reason why we do it.

Okay. That being said, let me just open a loop that never ever gets closed. Some of you will recognize this, some of you will not. These are personal anchors that I use. I don't tell people what they mean, because they have no relevance to anybody, but me. But I will ask you this, how many people here know what an anchor is? Raise your hands. If you do not know what an anchor is, that's okay. You will learn about them tonight. Because anchors are one of the most powerful ways that you can trigger positive feelings and positive states in people without them knowing it.

Come on in, guys. Make yourselves at home. Billy, okay, we're going to need more chairs, or tables or something. All right.

Billy:

You want another table or?

David Snyder:

We may just have to go with chairs. If you just line chairs up along the side here. Normally, I have-

Billy:

[crosstalk 00:02:13] at the bar?

David Snyder:

Yeah, he could sit at the back if you want to.

Billy:

[inaudible 00:02:18].

David Snyder:

Is our coffee in yet?

Billy:

No, [inaudible 00:02:23].

David Snyder:

All right. Any way ...

Let me tell you a little bit about me. How many people here have been to one of my workshops before. I see mostly new faces, which is exciting to me. I see two, three familiar faces. The rest of you, you're my little puppies now. All right. First of all, everybody stand up. Before we get any further, we just got do this. Just stand up. Look at the person to your right or to your left, extend your hand, tell him your name, look them right in the eye and go ... Then do it again. [inaudible 00:02:57] That eliminates the first problem we have, looking silly.

Speaker 6:

I'm sorry. I didn't get that.

David Snyder:

Look at him and go ...

Now, in my advanced classes, I actually teach how to put people in a trance going, "Brrr.". It's weird. Have a sit.  If we've knocked out two things right there. One, we eliminated the fear of actually looking silly in front of other people. The other is, I have indeed proven that I get you to do pretty much anything you don't want to do. They say in hypnosis you can't make people do things against their will. That's actually true, to a certain degree, as long as they have willpower, which most people don't have.

My name is David Snyder. Some of you may actually know me by another name. That name is David van Arik. In 2004, while I was in acupuncture school, I'm a licensed acupuncturist with the state of California. I have a master's degree in oriental medicine. I'm also a certified trainer and master of neuro linguistic programming. I'm a master hypnotist. I've been teaching hypnosis for over 20 years. I'm an expert in conversational hypnosis, persuasion influence, all kinds of good stuff. I do a lot of different types of energy healing. I'm also a very, very active, high level martial artist.

To me, they're all aspects of the same thing, but for most people, those are completely diverse studies. I tell you this because I want you to know that the things I'm about to tell you are going to be shocking in some cases, but they are proven. They are field tested in ways you can't possibly imagine. Some of you probably can. Man, you guys are serious. We need to lighten you guys up. Shit.

All right. When I was in acupuncture school, I had a friend of mine who ran a blog. It became a very famous blog over time. It was called The Art of Approaching. It was a blog about how to meet and attract members of the opposite sex. The demographic was, primarily, men looking to be more attractive to women. Now it's interesting to me as I sit here looking at my audience, is when I looked at my RSVPs, I had a hell of a lot more women sign up for this event, and as I look at my audience who actually showed up, which by the way, I have noticed time and time again. I also teach... I'm getting to the why I'm standing up here in front of you right now.

I wrote a course on advanced sexuality and sexual skills, relationship enhancement through sexuality. It's called Secret Orgasm Tips, in 2004. That course went on to become a best seller before the internet and Amazon even knew what downloadable books were, or audio courses and things like that. I went on to teach seminars based on those materials. I helped coach a lot of couples. A lot of men, a lot of women. Primarily men at first, because my... When you speak about sexuality in relationships, you have to use a different language towards women than you do towards men, even though many times we're talking about the same thing. I'll give you a real cool example in a minute. But that was primarily the language or the linguistics of it.

You have to understand that the kinds of language you use are far more important than the meanings you ascribe to them. Because for everything we do, there's actually three layers of meaning. There's the dictionary definition. There's the commonly accepted usage. Then there's the emotional impact of a certain word. For instance, if I say romance, you guys have a certain feeling that comes up. Contrast that with when I say seduction, have a much... especially for ladies, like "Oh!" things shrivel up. Even though in many cases we're talking about the same thing, the same processes are going on. That's one of our first barriers, is we need to have a common language that we can all agree on.

All right. Another one we're going to talk about real quick, and I'll get back to the whole sexuality thing, because I know you guys are curious about this, aren't you? No, not you. We talk about persuasion and manipulation. The dictionary definitions are very, very similar, but do you notice that there's a strong emotional shift when I move from persuasion to manipulation? That's what I'm talking about when I say you have to pay attention to the emotional impact of the words that you use because in your well meaning manner you use a word that has a different meaning, emotionally, in somebody's world, in spite of the fact that you may both agree on the definition, you will change the way that person looks at you, how they feel about you. We call that a change of frame.

Does anybody not know what a frame is? It's okay. You guys know what a frame is? Man, you don't know what an anchor is, but you know what a frame is. That's scary. Frames are, the practical term is perspective or points of view. The thing most people don't understand about frames is that they are highly emotionally dependent. How many people here have ever seen a show called Lie to Me? No? Anybody ever heard of a guy named Paul Eckman?

Speaker 6:

Yeah.

David Snyder:

Okay. Here's your first homework assignment. Rent as many copies of that show as you can, there's only like three seasons of it, and study the science. Paul Eckman is the world's leading authority on a lie detection, and emotions and facial gestures. He even co-wrote a book with the Dalai Lama on emotional control.

Yvonna:

And what is his name again?

David Snyder:

His name is Paul Eckman, E-C-K-M-A-N. I think he actually has a blog, paulEckman.com or something like that. The reason I'm telling you this is because most of what I do is verified through fieldwork, but it's also backed up by a lot of science. A lot of science in what I'm going to be showing you guys tonight. It's the science that makes what we're doing reliable and repeatable. Because if I just tell you we proved it in the field, well, everybody says their stuffs proven in the field, but if I give you the research, if you really want to check me out, and I recommend you do, I'll give you the references, because that's what's going to give you the certainty and the confidence to apply what you get here tonight.

The other thing is, we got to have fun. If we're not smiling and having a good time, we're in the wrong freaking place. You need to be over drinking coffee or something, I don't know. That's going to be going to be one of the big secrets. We talk about flirting, whether it's for fun or for profit, or for both. If you're not having fun, neither is the other person. First and foremost, you got to get your head right. You got to get your emotional states right.

Getting back to what I was talking about with Paul Eckman. Paul Eckman, in his book, Emotions Revealed, talks about something called the emotional refractory period. Now, what the heck does that mean and why do I care? The emotional refractory period... First of all, you never realize you've had an emotional shift until you're in it. You don't get this 10 second mark that says, "You're about to get angry. Warning. Warning." No, you're pissed off and all of a sudden you suddenly realize you're pissed off, right? Emotions shift without your warning, without warning and without your permission.

However, what most people don't understand is that those emotional shifts that you have are like little life forms, they like little beings inside of you, and they have a lifespan, and they seek to survive. Now, if you're into magic and metaphysics, "Oh, it's a thought form." We're not going there. This is neuroscience. What will happen when you go into an emotional state, your nervous system, your body likes to keep an equilibrium. It's going to do one of two things, either going to fight the state, which usually can't because you're already in it, or... Come on in Violet. Or it will fight to keep you in the new state.

What that mean... how many people have ever been in an argument with somebody, and you've gone through your process, you've resolved your argument, and then for the next 10, 15, 20 minutes later, however long it is, anything you said to that person pisses them off again. Everybody is going, "Yeah." Girls are going, [inaudible 00:11:07]. It's because of the emotional refractory period. What happens is, when that emotion hits, you have a physiology, you have a breathing pattern, but you also have a point of view, a perspective, a way of looking at the communication. What happens is your unconscious mind, your loving, wonderful nervous system will tweak your perceptual filters, that's a big word means how you look at things, what you pay attention to, so that you only focus on the parts of the communication or the interaction that reinforce or re-trigger the state you're in. That's why you can say something innocuous, and they're mad for you for another hour and a half, and you're in another argument. It's because your unconscious mind starts sorting for the things that reinforce the point of view that you have.

I'll give you a very real world nuts and bolts example. Anyone in here ever buy a new car? Nobody should ever buy a new car. I need to show you guys how to make more money. That's the next class. You ever played that game Punch Bug? You know what I'm talking about? Where you driving down the road, you have a certain car you're looking for and every time you see one before your friend you hit him?

Speaker 6:

Slug Bug. [crosstalk 00:12:23]

David Snyder:

Slug Bug. That's it. We call it Punch Bug. All of a sudden, even after you're done playing the game for the next hour, two hours, everywhere you look, you see the damn cars. They were there all along, you just didn't see them, why? Because your perceptual filters have shifted, so that it only calls attention to those things that reinforce the state you were in.

It's the same exact process. If I want somebody to look at me, or treat me as a potential mate, or business partner, or somebody that I want to be with or spend time with or interact with in some way, that's my first goal, change their emotional state. The fastest way to change somebody else's emotional state is to change yours first. Neurologically, I'm not going to get into metaphysics or anything like that, I'm going to give you the neuroscience. Anybody here know what proprioception is? I know you do. Proprioception is a big long word that you can look up on Wikipedia, but, basically, it means time and space. It's the part of your nervous system that monitors where your hands are, where you are, where other people are around you. It's also the part that if you get pulled over and they want to give you one of those drunk tests, that's what they're testing because alcohol affects it. Basically, if I reach into my pocket and there was something in my pocket, I can know instinctively, through my sense of touch what's in my pocket, even though I may not remember putting it in there. That's also proprioception.

When you and I interact... Can I use you for a minute? Can you be on tape? Is it okay if you'd be camera?

Nathan:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

David Snyder:

Come on. I'm going to let you guys play with this, just to prove what I'm saying. It's going to be a little bit like Jedi. I have that shirt. Wow, cool. All right. Here's the cool thing. This is a test, not a contest. What's your name?

Nathan:

Nathan.

David Snyder:

Nathan, I'm David, pleasure. Put your hand out just like this. Now all I want you to do is I want you to just keep it strong, but keep the same amount of strength in it. In other words, if I go to push it, and it's going to feel like it was down easier than the time before or whatever. Don't try to... because you can always tell because your hand goes boing before I touch it. First time I'm just going to test it. It's a test, not a contest. That's good. That was weird, wasn't it?

Nathan:

Yeah.

David Snyder:

Now, watch this. Ex wife. Daughter. Guess which one I'm doing. I can't see his face. Is he making weird faces?

Yvonna:

Trying not to laugh.

David Snyder:

Kind of weird, huh?

Nathan:

Yeah.

David Snyder:

Have a sit. Give him around applause. Here's what you're going to do. You're going to get a partner, introduce yourself and go [inaudible 00:15:28] because if you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong. All I want you to do is I want you to just establish a baseline, because we got to figure out... if we're going to calibrate changes in people's reactions, we need to establish something to compare it against, don't we? Because we're going to get into some really cool stuff tonight, and it's always going to work, but you got to learn to pay attention so you know what to do when. That makes sense? You're going to get a partner, you're going to have them stick their arm out just like this. By the way, this is not energetics. It's not playing with auras. It's proprioception. When we get within a certain proximity to each other ...

First of all, if you want to get into energetics, and how it all connects heartmath.org.

Speaker 6:

Say it again.

David Snyder:

Heartmath.org. They have some of the best research on how your heart influences your own emotional states, and the emotional states of others, scientifically. It's so valid that even the amazing Randi endorses their research. He does tell you to save your money and not buy their product, the machine they sell, but he does tell you that these guys are for real. I have to find that review because I think that's just good business for them.

Your heart radiates an electromagnetic field, an energy field, that machines can pick up eight feet in diameter around your body. Your nervous system, if you had a sixth sense, if you had psychic abilities, or whatever, if they exist, it would be your proprioceptive nervous system, but it wouldn't be your sixth sense. It would be your sixth, seventh, eighth and ninth sense because your proprioception monitors where your limbs are in time and space. It monitors where other people's limbs are in time and space. How many people remember ever walking down the street, talking to somebody, and you're walking and you're completely focused on that person, and you just stop, and you turn and there's a branch or something you're about to walk into and you just stop, you don't know why? Thank you proprioceptive nervous system. It's monitoring all of these spatial relationships. It's like your little radar system.

Ladies, you ever been in a place and all of a sudden you felt this creepy feeling down the back of your neck, you turn around some guys looking at you with evil in his eyes? Thank you proprioceptive mechanisms. That's what they do. Now, for most of us, that's a very random and automated process. But I'm going to tell you that if you understand it, and you start to play with it, you can use it. It's honest, and it's ethical, and it's impossible to detect. But what it will do, just like you saw me play with Nathan here, you can use it to shift somebody's emotional state so that the emotion they're in makes them like you more before you even open your mouth. But first, we have to prove it to ourselves. Does that make sense? We're gonna start there, and then it's going to get even cooler.

Partner up, let's do that exercise. Let's take about 10 minutes for that. It won't take you long. If you can do as many people as possible just in a short amount of time, do it. All right? [crosstalk 00:18:42]

All right. Come here. Come here. First things first, just stick your arm out. You're into energetics, aren't you?

Speaker 5:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

David Snyder:

Yeah, I can tell.

Speaker 5:

Done this before.

David Snyder:

There's lots of ways that you can do this, but this is one that is based strictly on emotional shifts in need. What I'm going to do is I'm just... Don't give it to me. I'm just going to test it. Again, it's a test, not a contest. All I'm going to do here is I'm going to either think of something that makes me feel really good, who I really love, someone I'm neutral about, or someone I just would like to see buried in the backyard somewhere.

Speaker 5:

I got one of those.

David Snyder:

Got one of those? You keep neutral.

Speaker 5:

Okay.

David Snyder:

Because in my martial arts I teach people how to use this for combat, because you can make someone weak. It's a polarity shift It's really weird. It's weird woowoo stuff, but it's based on neuroscience. It's not anything. What I'm going to do is I'm going to test this. Aah, you cheated.

Speaker 5:

[inaudible 00:19:55]

David Snyder:

Because I went happy, right?

Speaker 5:

You did?

David Snyder:

All right, good, close your eyes. Keep it strong. This is one of the things, one of things about kinesiology you've got to understand, it's very easy to bias the test. It's very easy to bias the test. It's important that she's not trying, and all she wants to keep the same thing, don't try to figure out what I'm doing, right? Because it sets up interference. I'm here. That was neutral, so I know she's being honest. That was pretty market, huh? Good. That's it. [crosstalk 00:20:42]

The thing is you can make this as scientifically rigorous as you want. The secret is you can close your eyes and do it. There's two variables, her and you. She's got to be neutral, she's got to stop trying to figure out what you're doing. That's why I like to have the eyes closed because then it's purely neurological. You start to have a lot more faith in it. But play with that, just to prove it to yourself.

Speaker 7:

Is it just rejected? I don't understand.

David Snyder:

You're walking around with world's largest organic intent. Your nervous system is receiving every electromagnetic frequency on the planet. The difference is most of it is being filtered out of your awareness before it ever reaches your conscious awareness. But it doesn't mean it's not there and it doesn't mean your body isn't being affected by it. Our job here is to teach you how to be aware of this so you can start to play [crosstalk 00:21:29] because [crosstalk 00:21:34].

Speaker 7:

[inaudible 00:21:36]

David Snyder:

It's not normal jumbo. There's science behind this. [crosstalk 00:21:41] all these things. It's just all these different parts of science don't talk to each other. They think [inaudible 00:21:49] one thing, and because they don't see any other parts of it, they don't have any other applications. [inaudible 00:21:53] When things start to reinforce one another, they they tussle. This is where we start.

Speaker 7:

Okay.

David Snyder:

Play with that. [crosstalk 00:22:03]

Speaker 8:

I'm not understanding.

David Snyder:

Okay. All I want you to do, put your arm out, keep it strong, same level of strength no matter what and close your eyes. I'm here and all I'm doing now is I'm just feeling [crosstalk 00:22:19]. I can also [crosstalk 00:22:21]. I'm going to start to generate a different feeling. Now, it could be a good feeling, could be a negative feeling, or it could be a neutral feeling.

Speaker 8:

Okay, so how you're feeling?

David Snyder:

Yeah, you don't do anything. You just being neutral, all right?

Speaker 8:

All right.

David Snyder:

Your goal is just to keep the same amount of strength.

Speaker 8:

Okay.

David Snyder:

Okay? So, I'm here and I'm neutral. [crosstalk 00:22:41] Okay, now watch.

Speaker 8:

Okay.

David Snyder:

That's all right. If you didn't feel it, you didn't feel it.

Speaker 8:

I'm not sure.

David Snyder:

What did you guys see?

Yvonna:

We seen him all of a sudden cave in.

David Snyder:

Yeah, but you keep the same level of strength. I'm serious. I'm using the same amount. It's easy to pass the test that way. So, I try to keep the same kind of [crosstalk 00:23:25] I try to touch them in the same place where I can. Again, it's just a place to start. It's also my smooth way of getting y'all interactive.

Speaker 8:

Right.

David Snyder:

Right. Again, he makes it strong. [inaudible 00:23:42]

Yvonna:

All right. I can't tell the difference [crosstalk 00:23:44] I can't tell the difference as the person doing it.

David Snyder:

What do you mean?

Yvonna:

Like, if I'm doing it right.

David Snyder:

All right. Are you being tentative? Keep the same level of strength on [inaudible 00:23:55] he's strong, right? [crosstalk 00:23:57]

Yvonna:

All right. As far as I did like ...[crosstalk 00:24:04]

David Snyder:

Exactly.

Yvonna:

Is it supposed to go down? I thought it was supposed to be more resistance.

David Snyder:

No. It'd be less.

Yvonna:

How does that work?

David Snyder:

Anything that neutralizes the state, or causes disharmony in the body makes the body weak.

Yvonna:

Okay.

David Snyder:

Anything that's going towards connection or positive, or uplifting, makes the body strong. You never hear about the healing power of anger, but you always hear about the healing power of love and laughter, don't you?

Yvonna:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

David Snyder:

It's the same concept. The only difference is now I'm teaching you from a theoretical go see a stand up comedian to this is, literally, how we can use it in social interactions because if you know how to shift your emotional state, guess what you're sending? People instinctively move away from shit.

Yvonna:

Right.

David Snyder:

So, we got to get our heads right first. We want to be more attractive. I'm going to talk about how to do that. Having fun?

Speaker 9:

Yeah. I recall your voice. Your voice sounds familiar.

David Snyder:

You might have saw my podcast or seen me on YouTube or something like that.

Speaker 9:

I think that's what it is. [crosstalk 00:25:10] your voice.

David Snyder:

My guess is on other people's podcasts and things like that. Might've heard me on an interview.

What do you have?

Speaker 9:

[crosstalk 00:25:24]

David Snyder:

Yeah, I have and I told you I have, mother fucker.

Speaker 10:

Oh.

David Snyder:

Okay.

Speaker 10:

[inaudible 00:25:28]

David Snyder:

Okay. Here's the deal, you got to generate [inaudible 00:25:31] strong emotion. I'm here. Good. You felt that one, didn't you?

Speaker 10:

I feel pressure.

David Snyder:

That's the point. The stronger you can... A lot of us are chronically up here in our heads, so we can't make as much as a body shift, but if I can get the meat suit activated ...

Speaker 11:

The thing that we're confused about is we don't know what you're doing, what you're thinking.

David Snyder:

I'm just thinking about somebody I really, really love.

Speaker 11:

But you're changing your internal emotion?

David Snyder:

Yeah, when you think about somebody and you really love that person, does your body feelings change? When you think about someone you hate, does your body feelings change? That's what we're going for.

Speaker 11:

So, you're thinking of the person you hate when you're doing it?

David Snyder:

Thinking of someone I hate.

Speaker 11:

Okay. [inaudible 00:26:19]

David Snyder:

Yup.

Speaker 11:

Okay, cool.

Speaker 5:

She was doing the same thing.

David Snyder:

Pardon me. Excuse me.

Speaker 5:

Excuse me.

David Snyder:

All right, let's find your chairs. [crosstalk 00:26:38] The secret is to try and keep everything else besides the emotional state shift as much the same as possible. Remember, it's a test, not a contest. Yes?

Speaker 12:

Is it possible that if the person is thinking negative, he just pushes more harder?

David Snyder:

It's entirely possible, absolutely possible. That's why I have to guard you on that kind of stuff. Okay?

Yvonna:

If we were to go to ... When we were doing it, I noticed that I was tense, my muscles are tense because though I could relax, [inaudible 00:27:07], and he was doing it, I resisted. I didn't want to resist, but automatically, I ...

David Snyder:

He was probably tense.

Speaker 5:

Yeah. Yeah, so is there a way to deal with it or?

David Snyder:

Yes, we're going to get into that in a minute. But first, I wanted to just show you, dramatically, just a simple exercise. Just a simple drill that can show you just what you're doing inside your head does to other people.

The next part is what I like to call getting your head right. In order to get your head right, you got to get it out of your ass. The biggest problem that we have when it comes to meeting somebody, approaching somebody, whether it's in a business context, or a social context is, A, we're afraid of rejection. Women have a little bit of a different fear though. I don't know if you guys knew that. Women aren't really afraid of actually approaching. They're not even too afraid of being approached, although certain things that women are socialized in to give the appearance of that. What a woman is mostly afraid of when it comes to approaching is that she's going to find herself in an interaction she can't get out of. All the ladies are going, "Oh, shit, he knows." Because most women do not know how to tactfully... It's not part of their training. They don't know how to tactfully extricate themselves from a guy who's just not getting it for them. The only way they know to do that is to get as more aloof and downright bitchy as possible.

I got some gifts for you ladies tonight. I'm going to teach you some very cool one liners that you can use to extract yourself. Because the biggest problem... I call this section approach and approachability; it comes after getting your head right, but it's part of the... you got to understand the mindset. Ladies, you guys are actually attractive and distracting. Anyway, true or not true, when you guys were growing up, and again, I'm doing this for my edification because I've stayed at other places, were you taught to always not look at the guy you're attracted to, to avoid eye contact?

Speaker 5:

Maybe.

David Snyder:

One of the things I discovered in my research, I don't know if it's as true for the younger age like the 20s and maybe even the 30s, but old school rules people, you guys know what the book called The Rules Are? Okay, if you have a copy, go burn it. It'll keep you single. The problem that we have is there are certain body language cues that women are taught or are already programmed within them to do that mean one thing in a woman's world and are completely misunderstood.

In a man's world, because guys, we're just not that complicated. Okay? We're very simple creatures. But women are much more complex. Everything they do make sense if you take on their mindset. If you take on the way that they view the world, okay? Most women are taught not to show that they're attracted to somebody. They see somebody they're attracted to, they're taught not to show it. This usually takes the form of them not looking directly at the person or avoiding eye contact. But this is kind of the Achilles heel or the double edged sword of that. There's no problem with him looking at people they're not attracted to because they're not attracted to them. So, from that perspective, there's no danger of them actually engaging.

You'll find many times when you go out ... We'll talk about positive eye contact in a minute. But one of the things that happens is that a woman's looking around the room, but when you go look at her, she deliberately looks away or she tries to be very nonchalant. Women will always be very, very subtle in how they look. You'll see this sideward glance. She'll kind of wander into your area for a few minutes. Right? Guys, you're seeing this and you're like, "I should talk to her. I should talk to her." She's going, "One, strike two, strike three. Loserville."

Okay. Ladies, you're not even a blip on our radar because we're not that subtle. Okay? We're not that subtle. Most of us, guys are very direct and we'll talk about directness versus indirect. One of the things that for us to become more aware of those indicators of interest or things that signal that you actually want to be talking to us, you literally have to come up and go, "Hi." Guys go, "Yeah." No, because at one time, they want to be so nice, but they're terrified of it at the same time. Right? The truth of matter is, guys, you would, in fact, be approached by more women if more women were taught how to get themselves out of a situation or interaction that's not going the way they want it to. Okay? You guys are afraid of them rejecting you. They're afraid of not being able to reject. It makes sense?

And ladies, if you have a different experience, raise your hands and say, "David, you're full of shit in my world."

Yvonna:

I've never had experience with the eye contact because one of my problems being interactions with people. I need to be more flirty, in general, is a really hard time to do my eye contact.

David Snyder:

Okay.

Yvonna:

So, I cannot play, for example, a game of you know ...

David Snyder:

A staring contest?

Yvonna:

Staring at each other.

David Snyder:

Well, you shouldn't because they'll call the cops on you if you do that.

Yvonna:

I know, but this is where, how is it interpreted by guys? I am not attracted to a guy, but my eyes go away because simply of me not being able to handle it.

David Snyder:

Right.

Yvonna:

So, how do you get out of this kind of situation?

David Snyder:

Okay. Well, if he's not attracted to you, or you're not attracted to him, what's- I'm not ...

Yvonna:

No, I'm talking about because I've had situations where like you are saying, some guys know the game, they recognize that women do that.

David Snyder:

Sure.

Yvonna:

And I've had situations where guys thought because my eyes are going away, that I was kind of interested in them.

David Snyder:

Oh, because your eyes were going away, that you were interested in them? Or not interested in them?

Yvonna:

No, because I would look at them and then the moment they'd look at me, my eyes would go away, okay?

David Snyder:

Okay.

Yvonna:

But it had nothing to do with me being attracted to them. It was just my reaction at the time.

David Snyder:

Did they approach you any way? Did they approach you after that or did they just kind of go away?

Yvonna:

Yeah, they [inaudible 00:34:14]. They kind of checked me out.

David Snyder:

Yeah, those aren't the guys you want.

Yvonna:

Huh?

David Snyder:

Those are not the guys you want.

Yvonna:

All right.

David Snyder:

Okay.

Yvonna:

All right.

David Snyder:

I'm going to explain that in a minute. I'm going to explain that in a minute. Here, again, I'm starting with the ladies and there's a reason. You guys need to know this. Okay? My demographic for many years was, primarily, teaching men how to do this kind of stuff in an authentic and honest way. The biggest challenge I've had is, and I'm starting to get a lot more ladies who will know how to do this, so I want to teach you guys, ladies, guys is an editorial thing. I'm going to teach you a very, very simple way to approach anyone, get them talking to, and decide within 15 minutes if they're a keeper or not, so you can jet them. Okay? All right. It's going to save you weeks of trial and error.

Speaker 5:

Months.

David Snyder:

I had to do something for guys, too, because the protocol was originally designed for women. It was designed for them to go from a cold approach, not knowing anything, to on the verge of falling in love in as little as 20 minutes, but you had to figure out by the second level whether you wanted to keep him or not because if you went to the third level with them, you weren't getting rid of them. I had to tweak it a little bit for you guys, but I do have one. I have a set and I taught this course, or a version of this course, three months ago.

One guy sitting in the room, he went out the next night, and I still think he's seeing the woman he met, using the exact same thing I'm going to be teaching you, but I want you guys, and again, editorial guys, I want you to be informed about the both side's perspectives because if you understand what you're seeing, not what you think you're seeing, you'll be much more confident, much more approachable, and you'll have a lot more success anywhere, any place. Most women, either through their upbringing or through biologically programmed behaviors, do not give a lot of direct eye contact, obviously, to people they're attracted to. They spend a lot of time deliberately looking away or you'll get the scan. You know what the scan is. They're like here, and they'll go ... and they'll just scan you real quick. See, they're laughing. Right? Right? I like that, okay? Because it shows we're all on the same page.

I have to draw attention to a lot of things we do intuitively, so we can make them deliberate, right? When a guy sees a woman, the first thing that happens is he starts thinking about, "Oh, my God, she's hot." Then he starts replaying all the times he's been rejected by every woman he's approached in the past. Plays these little movies in his head, and so what's he doing? He's taking his wonderful, macho, attractive, glowing state and taking a big, steaming pile of poop and going (makes noise with mouth). Now, that was visceral, wasn't it? Right? If you want to be charismatic, you have to be willing, at least to some level, be larger than life, to be dramatic. We like drama; however, the moment he starts playing all those movies in his head, guess what happens to his physical body? The dreaded shrinkage. Some of you went there.

So, the first thing we have to do, and we're going to talk a lot about eye contact. I'm going to show you some really cool drills that will make you an eye contact monster in a good way. By the way, the longer you hold someone's eye contact in a non-creepy way, the more attracted to you they become. That's neuroscience, by the way. Guys, work on your voice turnout. Yes?

Speaker 13:

How do you know it's not creepy?

David Snyder:

We're going to talk about that. One of the problems that we have, and it's not something that you would consciously think about, but it's the shape of the our bodies as we talk to someone. Can I use you?

Speaker 5:

Sure.

David Snyder:

Come on up. This would be creepy out of context. Hi, how you doing?

Speaker 5:

That's creepy.

David Snyder:

Right?

Speaker 5:

That's just silly.

David Snyder:

I know. I know. It's playful. If you want to go from creepy ...

Speaker 5:

That's better. Definitely.

David Snyder:

See, but what did I do there? I created a contrast. She got a little nervous and I went. Right, but all I did was change from angles and orientation, straight in to asymmetrical.

Speaker 5:

I like that one.

David Snyder:

Exactly. Thank you. Give her a round of applause. When I do a lot of these things, I know you guys are watching me, but sometimes, it's more educational to watch the person I'm doing it with. Okay? One of the things, stand up, and I want to give you guys more about body state. All right? One of the things that NLP likes to talk about is this thing called eye-accessing cues. We tend to look up when we're accessing visual information. We tend to look down when we're accessing physical feelings or sensations. We tend to move our eyes horizontally when we're accessing auditory information. But there's another side to eye positioning that NLP doesn't talk about.

What I want you to do is I want you to just, you can either do this with a partner or by yourself, because it's more about learning about what your body feels. I want you to just look straight ahead, like bore in on to something and look straight ahead at it, and then what I want you to do is I just want you to turn sideways and look at it out of the corner of your eye, and notice what happens to the feelings in your body. Get a little asymmetrical.

Speaker 5:

It's more relaxed.

David Snyder:

It's more relaxed. Anybody notice a little bit of a mischievous playful kind of energy starting to come up? That's what you want. Remember, have a seat. You guys all felt that pretty well? Whenever you're interacting with somebody, whatever feelings you have in your body, you're going to transmit to the other person, but because it's not through your voice, although that would happen, it's done through your proprioception, through that little field we played with. How many people did not notice it? Okay, good. Here's the deal. If I'm interacting with Yvonna, for instance, and I'm like this, she has one feeling about interaction. When I go, look at her. What happened?

Yvonna:

It got me laughing.

David Snyder:

Exactly. Laughing and giggling is a good thing because the more she laughs, the more she relaxes. The more she laughs, the more her body secretes a hormone called oxytocin. How many people in here know what oxytocin is? If you don't, oxytocin connection. I told you I was going to give you the sources. You can just verify everything that I'm telling you. The more a person laughs, the more oxytocin they secrete, the more attracted to you they become. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone. It's the hormone that creates powerful para bonding between a mother and her child, between a man, a wife and her husband. It also changes her emotional refractory period so that she only pays attention to the aspects of your communication that mirror and reinforce that mood. Playful. Easy-going. Fun.

How many people are dating online? Okay. Guys, they're lying to you. Here's what I mean. If you go to a woman's profile and she'll say, "Looking for a guy who's well-proportioned, financially stable, doesn't live in his mother's backyard, must be brave, confident, cheerful, thrifty, [inaudible 00:42:37], and reverent." Until you send a picture of you in his boy scout, right? And you say, "Well, I'm all those things." And they still don't call you back or email you back. You know why? You didn't match their criteria. You didn't match what they're really sorting for. Those are the things she wants after the stuff she didn't tell you. You know what that thing is? Fun. Fun.

If you're not having fun, she's not having fun. If you're not playful, she's not going to be playful, and even if she is playful and you're not, you're going to put big hunk of steaming you know what on her mood, right? Again, I got you. Right? You got to get your head right. To get your head right, you've got to get out of your butt and into your body. You've got to start generating the feelings you want to have that you want her to have, and they're not lust and arousal. That comes later. No pun intended. Okay? You've got to move through the world being fun and playful. You've got to transmit those feelings to the person you're seeking to interact with. When you do, every time you talk to a woman, you will glow. She will be sucked in to the feelings that you're generating in her even if you stutter every other word because it's not about the words coming out of your mouth. It's not how big your checkbook is. It's all about the feelings she has when she interacts with you. It's not even how good looking you are.

Beyond the first couple seconds, that really doesn't matter all that much. It's the feelings she has when she locks eyes with you or you open your mouth, or you get within a certain proximity from her, but if you do the direct approach, "Hi, how you doing?" Which is usually what happens. You can usually see a guy getting her nerve up. He sees a hot woman or whatever and he's going, and he's playing (mimics Rocky theme song), right? You feel a Rocky theme going on, Eye of the Tiger, whatever it is, right? Look at him. You see? I'm letting out all their secrets too. And then they start going and then gravity hits, and then they go, "The hell with it. She didn't want me any way." I understand.

We've got to get our feelings right. We have to understand what we're seeing. We've got to understand what they're really sending out. Just because a woman does not make immediate eye contact with you, doesn't mean she's not attracted or, potentially, could be attracted to you. However, we're going to start with what I call, the Entry Level, no pun intended again, approaches. I do that a lot. It's just one of those things, okay?

Ladies, you want a signal approach ability. So, what I want you to do is I want you to start practicing being playful. I want you to learn how to feel good for no freaking reason. Would anybody like to feel good for no freaking reason? Yeah? Can you handle this much? Can you handle this? Can you? Come here, brother. All right. What's your name?

Speaker 14:

Ahnkor.

David Snyder:

Ahnkor?

Speaker 14:

Yeah.

David Snyder:

It's Ahnkor. Sorry. Good to meet you. Okay, here's what I want you to do. Close your eyes.

Speaker 14:

What's that?

David Snyder:

Close your eyes.

Speaker 14:

Okay.

David Snyder:

You're safe with me.

Speaker 14:

I hope so.

David Snyder:

All right. Now, everything I'm going to ask you about and ask you to do, is completely private and personal, you don't have to tell me anything about it. So, you can make it as wonderful and exciting and as juicy as you want, no one's ever going to know.

Speaker 14:

That's so difficult. Okay.

David Snyder:

Tell you what, why don't we do this? Why don't we just teach your ass to relax?

Speaker 14:

Okay.

David Snyder:

Okay. Come over here. Now, I'm betting that once upon a time, were you ever a kid?

Speaker 14:

Yeah.

David Snyder:

Oh, and when you were a kid, did you play pretend?

Speaker 14:

No.

David Snyder:

You didn't play pretend? Did you play with G.I. Joes or anything like that?

Speaker 14:

Yeah, mostly cards.

David Snyder:

Mostly cards?

Speaker 14:

Yeah.

David Snyder:

Wow. Did you ever have an imaginary friend?

Speaker 14:

No.

David Snyder:

No? Well, you're hopeless. Get out of here. No, all right. Has there ever been a time where you felt really, really good?

Speaker 14:

Yeah.

David Snyder:

Okay. Do you have a favorite movie?

Speaker 14:

A lot of them.

David Snyder:

Okay. Now, the secret to this is, you're all going to practice this technique because when you do, your pleasure sensors are going to go off the Richter scale, okay? Then I'm going to teach you a mechanism so that you can re-trigger it any time you want, amplify the feelings as strong as you want, so that when you go up and talk to people, you're beaming the feelings you want to have. Okay? Then I'm going to teach you three magic questions protocol, which works for ladies and men, and then if we have time, I'm going to teach you what's called the Seven Stages of Arousal and Flirtation, okay?

Ahnkor, here's what I want you to do. First thing I want, have you ever been drunk?

Speaker 14:

Yeah.

David Snyder:

Oh. He likes drinking. Or was it some other substance? Close your eyes. Now, whatever that feeling was that you really, really enjoyed. He already went there, by the way. I want you to go back to the best experience of that ever, the best time. That's right. As you go back to that time, I want you to see what you saw, hear what you heard, feel what you felt. As you do that, I want you to look at where that place in your body start. Point to where you feel it, first of all. Just take your finger and point to where in your body you feel it. Perfect.

Now, as you look at that spot with your inner eyes, I want you to notice that there's a color associated with that feeling. What's the color, first impression?

Speaker 14:

Blue.

David Snyder:

Good. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to take both of your hands, reach in with both of your hands, pull out all that blue light, all that blue energy. Take it out and hold it in your hands in front of you. Make sure you got all of it because, sometimes, it hides. Good. Excellent. Is it all there?

Speaker 14:

I lost it.

David Snyder:

Go back and get it.

Speaker 14:

You want me to ... Okay.

David Snyder:

Yeah, just generate. Go. Get it all though. Make sure it's all in your hands.

Speaker 14:

No.

David Snyder:

This only works if they follow the instructions.

Speaker 14:

Can't follow it. I mean, I lost it.

David Snyder:

Okay. All right. We'll work with you off camera because I think you're a little nervous. Let's have somebody else.

Speaker 15:

Me?

David Snyder:

You want to come up?

Speaker 15:

Sure.

David Snyder:

I mean if you don't want to, it's okay.

Speaker 15:

Yeah. No.

David Snyder:

All right. Who's here got some ... You've got something juicy?

Speaker 15:

Sure.

David Snyder:

Sure.

Speaker 6:

Oh, man. He's waiting for this one.

David Snyder:

You tight ass honkeys. All right. Here we go. All right. Now, there was a feeling you had some time in your life. I'm sure you played pretend as a kid, didn't you?

Speaker 15:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

David Snyder:

Yeah, absolutely, and I bet, were you like a soldier or a cowboy or a samurai? What was your favorite game to play at?

Speaker 15:

Soldier.

David Snyder:

Soldier, yeah. Now, I bet when you were playing soldier, you were two, three, four, five years old, whatever it was. You were out in your backyard somewhere and you picked up a stick, right? And you knew, the moment you picked up the stick that it was only a stick for the first five minutes, and then, five minutes later, you're really Rambo. It's really an M60 and you're killing all the bad guys and they're shooting back, right? Absolutely. Were you asleep?

Speaker 15:

No.

David Snyder:

No. Were you aware of what was going on all the time?

Speaker 15:

Pretty much.

David Snyder:

Were you having a ball?

Speaker 15:

Yeah.

David Snyder:

That's what we're doing. Give yourself to be as absorbed as you were then and this is going to work for you just like gang busters. In fact, probably better than most of these other people.

Speaker 15:

Okay.

David Snyder:

Okay? Okay, close your eyes. Now, I want you to remember a time in your life and it can be as juicy as you want it to be, brother. This is my gift for you. Anybody who comes up here gets the best shit. I'm telling you right now, okay? I want you to remember a time when you've had that feeling you've always wanted, you really loved to have it. Maybe it was a playful feeling. Maybe it was a more primal feeling. Maybe it was a buzz you enjoyed, right? I want you to notice that there's a place in your body where that feeling starts, where it feels. I want you to physically point to it. Excellent.

As you look at that spot with your inner eyes, I want you to know there's a color associated with that feeling. What's the color, first impression?

Speaker 15:

Gold.

David Snyder:

Good. Take both of your hands, reach in and grab all that gold energy, take it all out. Reach in, grab it all, take it out and hold it in your hands. Look at it with your inner eyes. Make sure it's all in your hands because, sometimes, it hides. As you look at it, did the color change or stay the same, first impression?

Speaker 15:

Stays the same.

David Snyder:

Good. I want you to notice it's moving in a certain direction. What direction is it moving?

Speaker 15:

Trying to get back in.

David Snyder:

I know that. Well, it's going to go back in in a minute, but just notice what direction it's moving, first impression.

Speaker 15:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

David Snyder:

Okay, take it in both of your hands like physically grab it like it had handles on it.

Speaker 15:

Okay.

David Snyder:

And I want you to double the rate in speed at which it's moving. Just double it. Physically move it and double it. And double it again.

Speaker 15:

Can't go that fast.

David Snyder:

Double it again. Keep doubling it. I want you to just keep doubling it at your rate and speed until it's unstoppable, till it's ten times more powerful than it's ...

Speaker 1:

Ever been, when you know you've got it, slam it back in. And notice what happens. Woosh. [inaudible 00:00:10]. I hate to say you got Chinese eyes but it'd be kind of redundant. How good does that feel?

Speaker 2:

It's good.

Speaker 1:

Good, now watch this. Now I want you to imagine that on your arm right here. Why don't you imagine that, you know what an equalizer is or a dimmer switch?

Speaker 2:

Mm-mm (negative).

Speaker 1:

You've never seen one of those dimmers where you-

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1:

I want you to imagine that on your arm is this little dimmer switch. Now once you focus on those good feelings circulating all throughout your mind and all throughout your body, what happens when I'd start to move the switch up this way?

Speaker 2:

It gets bigger.

Speaker 1:

Ooh. So if I go this way.

Speaker 2:

A little lower.

Speaker 1:

Oh so if I go [inaudible 00:00:39]. Now double it. [inaudible 00:00:50]. He's bringing down a sweat. Yeah, good feeling huh?. Now we're going to start there, and we're only going to make it 10 times stronger. He's stoned. Okay. I'm not going to ask what it was but it was a good feeling?

Speaker 2:

It was.

Speaker 1:

Give him a round of applause. So the whole idea here is every feeling and event that we have in our life. And LP teaches us that we have this little projection screen around our body where we can access it. But there's also a physical place in our body that if we drop our awareness down into the body and find where the feeling starts, and then where it goes and trace it throughout the body, we can reactivate pretty much any sensation we've ever had. So what we want to do is we want to begin to generate good feelings. We want to generate playful states. So here's what we're going to do. Everybody stand up.

Now, I'm going to guide you through this exercise. And the only thing is, it works on everybody as long as you follow the instructions. That makes sense. I have used this to shrink tumors. I've used this to remove fluid from the pericardium. I've used this to cure chronic constipation. Okay, migraine headaches, okay? It's fast and it's not hypnosis, per se. It's just the way your nervous system works. But the secret is to be as a little child. Everybody here was child once right? Just being sure. "I was never a child."

And I'm sure everybody here remembers that, with the exception of maybe [Ankurt 00:02:33] played pretend, right? But I'm sure even he has had moments where he's played pretend. Or he pretended something was real and got absorbed in that experience, but you all have a favorite movie, don't you? You have a movie, you go into the theater first time, or maybe it was on your home theater, if you're rich, right? And you sit down, you got your popcorn, favorite drink, and the lights go down, the movie starts, and an hour and a half, two and a half hours later. You're feeling great. Can't remember what the fuck happened.

Can you tell me at what point you became absorbed in that experience? If you can, you're lying, because you weren't absorbed then. That's all we're doing. This is called neurosomatic absorption. To the degree that you can do this, you can have anything you want.

And it will become a very, very important part of the process when we start working with the three magic questions. Okay? So here's what I want you to do. But I'm not going to ask you what those events were. So you can make them as juicy and as intense and as satisfying as you want. Somebody is going, "Oh boy, can you handle this?" Right? Some of you guys got some really good ones. I can feel them beaming up here. All right. Here's the first thing I want you to do though. I want you to go back to that time, that place that experience. And I want you to remember how you were standing at that moment. Remember how you were breathing, if you were standing.

If not, just use your imagination. Okay? Breathe like you were breathing. This is one of the secrets to changing your emotions. Every emotion we have has a corresponding posture and breathing rate. If all we did was go back to the physiology, the posture and the way we breathed, we'll go back into those emotions. It can't not happen. All right, so close your eyes, bring back those feelings. And what I want you to do now is I want you to begin to pay attention. I want you to begin to pay attention to where in your body that feeling starts.

Notice where it goes. From that point, notice where it moves to next. And then where does it go next. And then next again. And then next again, until it completely finishes a circuit going eventually back to its point of origin and notice how your body likes that feeling. Notice how your body begins to really enjoy that process. And now what I want you to do is I want you to begin to move through that circuit of energy, make it move faster and faster. Stronger and stronger. Deeper and deeper. Just keep doubling and tripling the amplitude of that feeling until it's impossible for it to go back the way it was, and it can only get stronger, like it takes on a life of its own, it begins to circulate, growing stronger and stronger and stronger. If you're doing well with this, what I want you to do is I want you to notice that there's a color associated with that energy. And I want you to take that energy, and I want you to reach in and grab it with both of your hands, take it out and look at it with your inner eyes.

Notice if the color changes or stays the same, it's always your first impression that's important. And now I want you to physically take it in your hands. And like you could notice it's moving in a certain direction. And I want you to physically take your arms and double the amplitude and the rate at which it's moving. And then double it again. Keep doubling it. Double it and double it and double it until you know it's impossible to stop. Till you know you've got it. When you know it's that good or even better, slant back into that spot. Whoosh.

Notice the change. Notice how good you feel. Pretty good, huh? Okay, now I want you to use your imagination again. By the way, some of you are still processing, that's okay. Just let it happen at your own rate and speed. I want you to imagine on your arm is a little dimmer switch or a little knob or something that you can use to control the intensity. What I want you to do is I want you to notice that level of feeling that you're having right now. And just slowly take your arm or take that switch and move it closer to the center of your body.

Notice what happens to the feelings. For some of you it will get stronger. For some of you, it may get weaker, doesn't matter. What we're figuring out now is how your nervous system codes the intensity of that experience. And all we care about is how you do it. So play with it, move it up, move it down. Some of you may notice the colors get brighter. So of you may notice the feelings intensify first before the colors get brighter. And however you do it, I just want you to play with it and get really good at.

Very good. That's it. Very nice. Now, as you take these good feelings, and let them continue to build with every breath you take and every beat of your heart. I want you to think about a time in your life when you were absolutely, irresistibly attracted, attractive, I should say. You met somebody and you felt instantly that they were highly... It was somebody you wanted to be attracted to you. And you knew that they were in fact attracted to you. And you could feel what it felt like to feel beautiful, to feel hot, to feel whatever the word is you would use to describe it. Remember what it felt like and then I want you to back up that feeling. Go five minutes before or a minute before you realized that, because that's where the purest aspect of that state is. And I want you to take that energy and notice where in your body that feeling begins.

Good. And now I want you to notice where it goes next. And then where it goes next. Follow it as it makes a cycle through your body, getting stronger and stronger with every breath you take and every beat of your heart. Still allowing yourself to let that process happen. Stronger and stronger. Notice your body posture starting to shift, your breathing rate starting to shift back into those feelings of being absolutely drop-dead gorgeous, attractive, hot, whatever word you use, just plug it in there. I want you to hear a voice in your head telling you in the most irrefutable, honest and sincere way. Maybe even a little seductive or romantic, telling you how attractive and gorgeous.

That's right. Listen to that voice telling you all those good things about yourself and notice how as it continues to talk to you in that way, how those feelings start to grow stronger, and stronger. And then it begins to circulate. And it begins to merge with all those playful, good feelings we started with. And it begins to merge creating a whole new level of sensation. Creating a whole new experience in your body. And then allow those energies to synchronize, to merge and to blend. Allowing your brain to create new neurological connections in you that allow you to walk through the world, living in this state.

The state of pleasure, playfulness, being attractive, radiating a glow that other people can't help but respond to. And let that process continue to cycle over and over again, stronger and stronger and stronger until you know you've got it. Until you know it's impossible for it to go back the way it was. And it only gets better. Because tonight while you sleep and while you dream, your brain, your nervous system will make the connections you've created even stronger, more powerful, until it eventually becomes the natural way you move through the world.

But no matter how strong and powerful it gets, it can always get stronger and powerful. But you'll always have your little control mechanism that allows you to make the feeling stronger, or less intense depending on how the situation demands. And whether you actually go home tonight and do it consciously really no longer matters, because I've already told your unconscious mind to do it. So there's nothing else to do, but enjoy it. It's inevitable, and just allow that process to continue. Because when the process has reached its natural conclusion, and it's permanently hardwired in, most of you already there, but your eyes will naturally open, and it'll be flooded with those blissful attractive or maybe orgasmic feelings. And that's a good thing. Because it's only going to get better. It only gets better. [inaudible 00:10:59].

This one's like [inaudible 00:11:00]. Right on. Okay, you guys can have a seat. Here's your first homework assignment. You are to go home every night from now on and for 10 minutes before you go to bed, You are to feel good for no fucking reason. When you get up in the morning, flick the switch, feel good for no fucking reason. Okay? Here's why. It goes to something we call neuroplasticity. The more pleasurable sensations you generate in your body, the more oxytocin your system releases. And one of the side effects of oxytocin is it can actually rewire the brain. It gives the brain an easier ability to create newer neurological connections. It actually lets you overwrite old learnings and install new ones.

Okay? This is not hypnosis, this is physiology, okay? Again, if you read the oxytocin connection, you'll learn a lot. If you read my first course, I talked a lot about the power of oxytocin. It's also the trust hormone, by the way. The more oxytocin in your system, or in the other person's, the more trusting they become. If you want a woman to want to be with you, and to get intimate with you guys, you've got to get them to trust you. You have to create a connection. And you have to be trustworthy. Ladies, same thing. The other hormone that does it for guys is called vasopressin, but oxytocin works just as well. Okay?

So this is the feeling. We spend way too much fricking time feeling crappy. Right? We're actually hardwired that way, because that's a survival mechanism. Unfortunately, it gets out of control. We need to spend more time feeling good for no reason. But again, here's the other side of this. If we can do this, and you all can, it's inevitable. You're going to have amazing dreams tonight. Okay? Enjoy them. It's my gift for you guys for coming out.

What happens is, if you practice being in this state, then your perceptual filters. The things you pay attention to in your world will shift, they will change so that they re-trigger and reinforce the state you're in. You will have more people approaching you, you will become aware of more opportunities for approaching and being approached, you will become aware of more attraction signals from other people. Why? Because now your nervous system is sorting for it.

Most guys are far uglier than they realize and far more attractive than they have any concept of. What do I mean by that. You ask a hot guy on a zero to ten scale. We'll just wait. It's called an objectivity bias. You ask a guy who's a nine or an eight or nine on a ten scale, how attractive they are. They'll say, "I'm a five, I'm average." You ask a guy who has what George Carlin calls severe appearance deficit, how attractive he is, he'll tell you, "I'm a five. I'm an average guy." You ask an average guy how average he is, he'll usually rate himself a little higher.

Here's the thing though. Most guys are not nearly as attractive as they... B will always rate themselves higher. They never rate themselves lower. People are almost never as attractive as they think. But they're generating more attraction than they realize. Because they're not aware of the cues that signal somebody's actually attracted to you. Because you're all moving through the world looking for attraction the way you would signal other people that you're attracted to them. But that's not how everybody else works.

Okay? When a woman is looking at a guy, she has a checklist in her brain for what constitutes the right way to approach her, the right way to talk to her, the right thing to say, where to touch her and when. And what she's doing is she's moving through the world, projecting that onto everyone around her, and monitoring how well you do on the test.

Every time you do something right in the right order, you get a little check mark. She feels more comfortable, you get to go to the next level. It's like a video game.

All right? Guys, you're doing the same thing. This is the problem. You're doing to others the way you want to be done unto. If you want to connect with a woman, you have to figure out what she's doing and give it back to her in a way that she recognizes she's getting it. Ladies, you have it a little bit easier. Okay? In most interactions you're the prize. Unfortunately, because of the dynamics that social society set up, you are more likely to be approached by guys you don't want than the ones you do. Because the mixed signals you're unintentionally generating, will cause the people that you would actually want to meet, who would actually respect and honor your boundaries to not approach you.

Well you always hear women say, "I want a guy who's confident, who's strong and objective, but who'll respect my boundaries and respect me, right?" Well, you understand that the game is rigged. The body language you were taught is designed to discourage approaches which means the guys who actually honor and respect you won't. But the ones who don't care, the ones who are forcing themselves to be alpha, or B or the jerks. They will. Exactly.

So here's the thing. And again, it's not your fault. Okay? It's just how you we're socialized, and unless you understand the dynamics, you can't change it. Right? The secret for you guys is learning how to be playful and flirtatious, which is nearly not that hard for most women. But again, what's happening is the minute you see a guy who's approaching you, all the shitty encounters. The guy who just would not fucking leave. Would not stop emailing you, texting you, doing all those weird things. True or false? Is that what starts playing in your head? Okay? "Stop."

Okay? Now, you will still get approached by jerks, but if you understand some very nice, tactical or diplomatic ways to extract yourself from the interaction, you can be approachable. You can actually approach guys, and not have them run screaming because they think you're a dominatrix or something. Right? Which would actually turn some of these guys on, but that's a different class.

You guys can't take yourself too seriously. If you're going to be effective in flirtation, whether it's a networking event or a social event. You've got to stop taking yourself too serious. Seriousness is the kiss of death. I'm telling you seriously. You got to be playful. Okay? So one of the things we want to pay attention to now is whenever we're interacting with somebody, we want to have our feelings right. Okay? Now I have other classes where I'll show you how to really rewire that stuff, but we won't get into any other things we're doing tonight. Does anybody need a pee break? Let's take five minutes. Come back, grab some coffee, grab some water. It's free.

Having fun?

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Feel free to talk to one another.

Speaker 4:

[inaudible 00:18:44]

Speaker 1:

Sure. Absolutely. We'll talk about that. Remind me if I forget, because sometimes I get so carried away with the content I forget [crosstalk 00:18:53].

Speaker 5:

I've got a million things going on with [inaudible 00:19:00]. I've been studying hypnotherapy. I've done a lot of energy work. I just want to [inaudible 00:19:08] learning about it. So that's why I'm interested in [inaudible 00:19:15].

Speaker 1:

What are you looking to accomplish?

Speaker 5:

I don't know. I want to somehow be engaged in the coaching arena eventually. I'm really thinking about creating some kind of guided meditation CDs that I can market. It's an idea because that's one of my things right now. I'm into guided meditations and-

Speaker 1:

I did guided meditations for many years, back when I first got my certification as a Reiki Master in the '90s, before... That's Kabbalah. Never mind.

Speaker 5:

I think it's a really good way to introduce people to-

Speaker 1:

People love trancework. Regardless of what word use to describe it. The moment the person goes into trance, their whole body secretes a huge amount of endorphins, oxytocins-

Speaker 5:

I'm like addicted to it now. [crosstalk 00:20:08]

Speaker 1:

And you'll actually get younger. Well, these are old studies, but people who are doing meditation of some kind for more than 10 years generally wind up to be about physiologically 10 years younger than the people in their age group. It has a very rejuvenative effect. And if you're doing anything alchemical where you're going in and clearing out shit like stuff you've been lodged in your tissues and things like that, you can amplify that even more. Yeah. A lot of good stuff behind it.

Speaker 5:

Through meditation?

Speaker 1:

Yeah. But then if you don't want into go to the alchemical side of things, and not just bliss out, then it's a little bit more involved. And it's a little bit more cathartic, but it'll have huge effects on every part of your body. Every part. PW. How you doing with us?

PW:

So I read, I think it was NLP: The New Technology of Achievement, probably like a year ago. It seemed interesting, but I had no clue how-

Speaker 1:

How to make it work?

PW:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Most people don't.

PW:

I guess I've heard and I've read and I've seen videos of people talking about how [inaudible 00:21:18] and I see it in texts that is written. I cannot apply it is what I'm trying to say.

Speaker 1:

Did you have a pleasurable experience here?

PW:

Yeah, it's good. When you were doing your guided thing. In the beginning, I was like, "Okay, I can kind of visualize it," but in the middle I just got bored and lost focus. I couldn't keep track. I was like-

Speaker 1:

So pleasure bores you?

PW:

No, when you [inaudible 00:21:40] directions.

Speaker 1:

You just zoned out?

PW:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

That's part of the process. That means you're unconscious, and your conscience must have a stroke. And it just went it in. Yeah, don't worry about it. A lot of people think that because they lose their gaps, that they somehow went to sleep or they got bored. No. What actually happened was you went deeper. It's usually a natural byproduct of doing it. A lot of people think when they listen to a self-hypnosis tape or something, that they'll be listening and listening and all of a sudden they'll be waking up. And the first thing I ask is, "Did you wake up when the tape ended?" Because that's usually a sign that you went deep. Yeah. Again, because we don't really understand the dynamics of it. We tend to think of it as one thing.

PW:

Is there a way to test that it actually works or?

Speaker 1:

Where's your anchor?

PW:

What do you mean?

Speaker 1:

Where's your pleasure?

PW:

Where it is?

Speaker 1:

Yeah. Touch it. Do it. But you can just let it come back. Yeah. Stop analyzing it. This is what we talked about, absorption. Okay. Usually, we describe it as either smart person syndrome or hypnotist disease. It's hypnotist disease if you've been trained in hypnosis before. Okay, basically what it means is, whenever a hypnotist who's been trained or has been doing hypnosis for a long time, is being the subject in a drill, there's a part of them that's following along with the experience and there's a little part outside monitoring and evaluating the skill of the hypnotist and wondering if there's anything that it can steal. Which means if there's a part of you outside evaluating what's going on, you don't have the same level of absorption.

PW:

It's very difficult.

Speaker 1:

That's why we talked about remembering when you would play pretend as a kid. Right? And it's not about losing focus. Well actually, there's two things you need for any trance to work. You need absorption in the experience, and it continually narrowing focus of attention.

PW:

You have any good resources and books-

Speaker 1:

I have tons of resources.

PW:

... for introducing some of those ideas properly.

Speaker 1:

Richard Bandler just put a book out called, this is NLP. I think. I'll look it up.

PW:

Is there an email on your website or something-

Speaker 1:

Yeah. I'm going to give you guys an opportunity to get on my mailing list. And I actually got a couple free gifts for you guys. So you guys can start playing with this stuff. Okay. But again tonight's stuff is on social engineering and social dynamics. So I want to keep it kind of in that ballpark. I'm going to install stuff into you. But remember, if there's a part of you that's trying to evaluate if you've changed. That's the part that's holding you back. Okay, it's not your friend.

Speaker 7:

Where does that come from?

Speaker 1:

It's how we're trained. It's how we're taught. Yeah, everybody. It's just a question of how strong is it and how much time do they spend doing it. People who are very technical, very analytical, that part of their brain, that part of their mind is hyper-developed. In order for us to really get change, we have to get you out of it. The way we just started. By generating intense pleasure in the body.

Speaker 8:

So the physical sensations-

Speaker 1:

Yes, this will do it faster because anytime we can affect the body first, it will automatically impact the mind. Okay? Whereas if we try to affect the body through the mind, it runs up against that filter, that barrier we call the conscious mind. Most of us are very, very disconnected from anything below the neckline. Except for maybe a little bit waistline, right? There's a big gap in between somewhere, right? I call activating to meat. Waking the meat up and getting it activated. You guys haven't even touched a 10th of a percent of the pleasure and excitement and bliss you're capable of. As good as what you guys just did was, it's not even close to what your nervous system is capable of producing. Okay, it's just the beginning. But since we're doing social skills, that level of state that you generate within you is going to ripple out to everybody else, and it's going to subtly change them.

And they will automatically begin to perceive you as more attractive, more fun, more approachable. And in many cases, far more charismatic, there'll be a glow around you. Okay? You just got to get the stick out of your ass, for lack of a better word. But honestly, that's honestly what it's about. It's not about what you can rationalize. That's what's keeping you stuck. Human beings are not rational creatures. And I'm going to get stoned for saying this, and especially not women.

Okay, you're all guided by your feelings. We all like to think of ourselves as logical, rational, analytical, feet on the ground people. You're not. Okay? You're feeling creatures, and you justify your behaviors generated by your feelings with the data. Now, here's what you don't think about. The more intense those feelings are, the more flimsy the data can be. The less sense it has to make. Okay? Getting back to the whole sexuality thing, remember that? We kind of got off on a beaten track there.

2005. [Single Orgasm tips 00:27:04], one of my best selling courses. We launched in 2004, but took right around a year for it to really hit a full head of steam. In 2005, I was voted one of the top 10 attraction and seduction experts of the year by [Seductionletter.com 00:27:17]. Okay? Not because I could get all these women, although that helps. It was because I could generate such intense sensations both emotionally as well as physically in them, that they just fell in love. Usually on the first night. Okay? This is before I learned 80% of the stuff I'm teaching you. Okay? It's some serious mojo.

All right. But it's based on learning how to give a woman what she wants, exactly the way she wants it. In order for you to do that, guys and gals, you have to get out of your head and into their world. You have to be able to perceive and pay attention. So first rule in my book, pay attention. Because when you pay attention to a woman the way I'm describing, she will tell you and show you and demonstrate to you every single thing you need to know to attract, arouse and get intimate with her. Usually the first night.

I know that sounds like a lot and because the ladies going [inaudible 00:28:28]. Right? But ladies, let me ask you a question. Violet. If you met a man who paid attention to you in the way you've always fantasized about. Who touched you at exactly the right time, in exactly the right way, in a way you've always wanted, but never seem to find. Look at her.

Now here's the thing you've got to understand. Remember when we talked about approaching, we talked about how when a guy approaches a woman he's looking for indicators of attraction based on what he would do to signal attraction, right? We call that projection. When she interacts with you, once she gets past that initial, "Oh my God. He's talking to me," phase, the checklist comes out. And the game is on. And what she's doing now, by the way, as I'm describing this don't look at me. Look at the unconscious responses of every female in the room.

Okay. If all you understood was the checklist, they would get more attracted, more connected, more aroused, the barriers to intimacy drop and she will make love to you the first night, many of the times to keep you. Because she's afraid if she lets you go, she'll never see you again.

Sum it up like this. If you take sex off the table, she'll put it back on. This is why you have to focus on what she wants. What she wants. What she wants, but not just on what she wants, how she knows she's getting it. There's a real secret to that. Do to her what she does to you. Ladies, vice versa. We're just much simpler. we're much more blatant. Right? To us... Yes.

Ken:

Since most of the things you're talking about have to do with figuring out what probably just pleasing a woman or what a woman is looking for that is satisfying in her gender or whatever list that she has. Not the one that you think she has. The one that she isn't even aware of herself. My experiences in my personal life has been, in this society that women are programmed and again I don't mean to sound derogative.

Speaker 1:

Of course not. We have been honest here.

Ken:

There's some certain ways to please the man. And so, again, I'm not really an expert but this is from a personal experience. That if a person is of equal, even alpha or macho or whatever. There's a lot of women that are attracted to that and their whole agenda is to give up all their priorities and please that guy. Of course that guy is a jerk maybe, but that's what they're looking for.

Speaker 1:

Well actually it's what they think they're looking for till they actually get it.

Ken:

They're programmed like a robot and in a non-derogatory way. [crosstalk 00:31:45], but everyone was saying to me whatever, and people said because [inaudible 00:31:49], that's not the point. That her role. It's to [inaudible 00:31:52]but that's my experience. We can have women that might be attracted to me, and I'm looking for a servant. I'm looking for maybe someone [crosstalk 00:32:01]. So it's complete conflict. And it's very frustrating.

Speaker 1:

Right? And then wouldn't it be helpful to have a sorting mechanism to know which ones are the ones you want and which ones you don't? That's where we're going. But if you don't have your head right, it's kind of a moot point. It's kind of a moot point, right? You see, the thing you got to understand, the guys especially. Every woman, with the exception of a small subset who are just... I call them lifeboat junkies. They jump from guy to guy, because they want somebody to save them, avoid those. We'll show you how to sort for that. But women want to be part of a man's life, who actually has a life. A woman doesn't necessarily want you to make her the center of your life. Does that make sense?

Speaker 10:

Yes. That's an emphatic yes.

Speaker 1:

Okay, and that's actually where women's... Again, in my book, I go into a lot, a lot.... I'm not trying to sell the book. But in the book, I go into a lot of details about certain attitudes that you guys have to have and maintain, if you want to keep the relationship on fire and alive beyond a year. Or even after you say I do or [inaudible 00:33:11] Remember. I'm not doing this so you can go out and eat women like potato chips. They'll make more, right? I'm not saying you should do that. You can if you want. But my goal here is to create better men.

And to do that, I have to give you this tip, the skills and the tools, so you're not going around [inaudible 00:33:31] perpetual starvation. So you're willing to accept just whatever nature hands you. Does that make sense? So, and again, I have two, maybe three hours to give you 30 years of study with this. But I want to give you things that are actionable. I'm not trying to offend anyone, I'm trying to be very straight. Many of the things women are taught, from their perspective, from their mindset, they make perfect sense and they serve a specific purpose. In the long term, they actually shoot you in the foot. Okay?

One of the things that happens is ladies like a guy who's strong. They like a guy who's dominant, but dominant doesn't mean what you think it means. Most people think of dominant as, "Down bitch, down," right? And there's a small subset of humanity that actually responds to that. Okay? We have special places for people like that. But a woman is evolutionarily predisposed to become more submissive to the mate she bonds with. Okay?

Your mission Jim, should you decide to accept it, is to find out what her process is that lets her know, she's getting what she wants, so she's willing to do that. And if you can do that, you have already set yourself apart from every other man she has ever met and probably ever will meet. Because in her head is an ideal. That's her checklist for what constitutes the perfect romantic partner in her world. And if you match it, she convinces herself that you're the guy. The barriers to intimacy drop, and she becomes hyper-bonded to you. By the way, it works the same for guys. It's just we're a lot simpler. You just go up to us and go.

Okay. But, every one of you is walking around with a checklist, okay? Now, I can get into all the psychodynamic... and Ken had some very good points there. There's a very strong, pre-programmed response to domineering, dominant men. You can't fight it. Well, you can fight it. But you will still have a very primal attraction response to those kind of men, even if they are jerks. Because it's hardwired in there. Now, just because it's there, doesn't mean you should sort for that, okay? You need to have a little bit higher standard than just, "Down bitch, down," and again, in certain contexts, that can be fine. Right? We have a class for that, that's a different class. All right.

But here's the thing I want you to get. Okay. Each of you have a checklist. Each of you manipulate each other. Every gender manipulates the other gender. Get over it. The question is, are you moving in the same direction? Are the manipulations you're engaging in getting you more of what you want or more of what you don't want?

Speaker 11:

Can you change your checklist?

Speaker 1:

You can. In fact, the process I've just taught you about releasing all that oxytocin will do it. It will change the checklist faster than anything. We keep talking about this oxytocin thing. Guess what releases more oxytocin than any other process in the body?

Speaker 12:

Sex.

Speaker 1:

Somebody who hasn't already been to the class. Thank you. Oxytocin. Guys, you hate cuddling, right? Yes or no? Be honest. Any embrace that lasts longer than 20 minutes stimulates oxytocin release. Just saying. They do the same thing. That's why they like to cuddle. Right? That's why they like to cuddle. Your goal whenever you approach a woman is to simply find out if she's worth your time. Ladies, whenever a man approaches you, or you approach a man, your goal is simply to find out if he's worth your time. How do we do that? I'm going to give you the number one pickup line of all time. Works in like 98%, closer to 100% of the time. When women use it, it works in the high 95, 93% to 95%. When men use it goes something like this, "Hi."

One of the things you want to do, when we go to approach somebody. If we're doing like a cold approach, we see somebody we want to meet if we're not just bumping in the line with them at the counter or at the bookstore, wherever. I don't go to clubs because I hate places where I can't hear myself speak. I'm big on conversation. I'm big on interaction. So in those environments, you may need to tweak some of this stuff with more behavioral, more body language stuff.

But again, the first question you're going to ask. Let me do the approach thing first. Never approach a woman directly. Can I use you Ken? No, you don't want to appear on camera. Can I use you Jim? Or Jeff? Never approach a woman like this. Bad idea. Okay? First of all I'm too close, right? Second of all, this is aggression. This is how aggression is triggered, okay? You get this close, you push somebody straight and you get this close in prison, they're going to shank you. I'm just saying. Mating rituals in there are a little bit different. When I approach, I'm always better off approaching from a diagonal vector. Okay?

I want you to just pay attention. As I approach you straight, notice how you feel, right? This is where you start to get weird. You start to get a little queasy. Right? But watch this. What just happened?

Jeff:

It's much more relaxed.

Speaker 1:

Remember, if a woman gets a creepy feeling when you approach, that's the filter she's going to see you through. Did you notice I also got a whole lot closer to him. I'm in his intimate zone. And it's okay. Now our nervous systems are going, "Oh, hey. Let's synchronize baby."

Jeff:

Maybe yours is.

Speaker 1:

Give him a round of applause. One of the biggest female fantasies is the love at first sight fantasy. Right? When you're in a crowded room, and your eyes meet. Fantasy is important. We laugh because it's not a guy thing. It's everything to them. It's everything to them. They are hardwired evolutionarily, but also socially to look for the leaders. To sort for strength, and strength is not, "Down bitch, down." Do you know what strength actually means in their world? Actually, we call it dominance. That's a word we like. Do you know what it means in their world guys? Authenticity.

Ken:

I've got protection.

Speaker 1:

It can be on a very reptilian level. Trust me, if a bunch of athletes walk into a room, a bunch of soldiers walk into a room, every estrogen receptor in the place goes, Okay? There's a physicality to this, but I want you to understand something, that it has to go more beyond that. If that's all they have, that's what they'll sort for. You understand?

But in terms of what we're talking about, we're talking about dominance. We're talking about someone who has the strength and the sense of identity, a sense of self, to be able to assert what he believes and what his standards are in any situation or circumstance without having to resort to violence necessarily, but is willing to if it has to. Someone who's not putting on airs to impress someone else. Someone who's strong enough to be gentle, and is okay with being gentle. Who can laugh at themself, and not feel diminished by it. Ladies, yes or no?

Speaker 14:

Yes.

Speaker 15:

It takes a man to admit, to say I'm sorry.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, by the way. The fastest way to end any argument, "I'm sorry, I was wrong." Guys laugh. Test it. Okay. You want to see him turn around really quick? Look him in the eye and go, "Talk to me like I'm someone you love."

Speaker 15:

That's a good one.

Speaker 1:

Okay? What did I really just do there with those two simple phrases. I changed the frame. I changed the meaning of the interaction. When I changed the frame, I changed the filter. When I changed the filter, I changed the information they're paying attention to and everything else shifts. Okay? When you ... Yes.

Speaker 16:

Are these short-term fixes or are they-

Speaker 1:

No. These can be very long-term fixes.

Speaker 16:

So is this a situation where the person accepts he's wrong. Is it an actual...

Speaker 1:

We have to be [inaudible 00:44:16]. There's has to be a certain level of sincerity. And when you can fake that you got it made. You laugh, I teach it. Sincerity is the most powerful trance inducer. When you speak from the heart, people listen. Okay? Remember, energy field, eight feet in diameter. Eight feet in diameter. Your heart, your physical heart sends more information to your brain than your brain sends to your heart.

Anybody here study physics. Anybody here knows what entrainment is? Okay. Entrainment is a law of physics that says, rhythmic sources, molecular base want to synchronize. You get a room full of clocks with a little pendulum, all moving at different rates, come back in a few hours they're all moving together. Go in and set them all at different rates, come back in a few hours. They're all moving together. Right?

This means yes, this means no. HeartMath people, took a dog and his boy, strapped them to some machines and let them go out in the yard to play. Within 15 minutes their heartbeats synchronized. Okay?

Ken:

[inaudible 00:45:46]

Speaker 1:

Is this energy? Is it new-age, spiritual, tantric mumbo jumbo? Maybe. The fact that it's scientific and scientifically verified... I don't think of energy as balls of energy shooting out of your hands. Although that can be fun. I think of it more as data, like Wi-Fi. And your nervous system is the largest organic antenna. And you're sending out all these frequencies. The question is, are the frequencies you're sending out getting you what you want?

If not, we need to change it from the inside. Because when we change it from the inside, everyone around us changes automatically. That's the lazy guys way to change your world. Otherwise, you'll be walk around trying to change everybody else around you and get exhausted because most people don't want to change. Okay? So when you approach, "Hi, how's your day going?" Simple, easy, but have the right state and be genuinely curious about them. But it's not curious about, "Are they going to sleep with me tonight?" No. Bad idea.

"Is this person fun to be with?" That's what you want to know. I mean, Okay they're hot. So what? And whether you're a guy looking at a girl, a girl looking at a guy, they're hot. So what? They're attractive. So what? Are they fun? That's what I want to know. Are they fun? It's the mindset. And do we have anything that we can share? Commonalities. It doesn't have to be a big commonality, the commonality could be you're both in the same place at the same time. Ever hear something called the Forer effect.

Speaker 18:

The what?

Speaker 1:

The Forer effect. How many of you here read astrology? How many think it actually applies to them? That's the Forer effect. When we read something that's written in a generic way that we buy into at some level, our perceptual filters automatically shift so that we automatically associate everything as being directly related to us. It's called the Forer effect.

Ken:

I'm sorry, what's the name of that-

Speaker 1:

Forer effect. F-O-R-E-R E-F-F-E-C-T. Okay? Second big female fantasy. You ready? "Destiny brought us together. It was fate. You've been to Barbados? I've been to Barbados. It's like [inaudible 00:48:27]."

Speaker 15:

It's a good talk but it's not a fantasy.

Speaker 1:

It's a good what?

Speaker 15:

It's a good talk.

Speaker 1:

It's a good talk.

Speaker 15:

But it's not a fantasy.

Speaker 1:

Well, it depends on how the guy follows up with it. Right? "I mean, think of all the meetups you've been to and all of the blurbs you have to go through at All Things San Diego to find out what we're doing. And then you found yourself here. It's like we're destined to meet. Everything happens for a reason." Not really. Because remember, you're not attracted to me yet.

What did I say about logic and data? They don't want to be a blowdown. Okay? They're trying to say, "No, no I'm not. No, no." Right? I understand. I'm not doing it to be confrontational. I'm doing this to just give you guys a place to start. There are a lot of things that are going on and a lot of things that are going on in their heads that are universal. We want to style universals and then find out what it is they really want. And then we want a way to create a conversation where they give us all the information and when I say they I'm using men or women, because this is diabolical for you ladies, I'm telling you right now.

Once you make your approach, "Hi, how you doing?" Level one question. You can ask one of two things. The category is called location or occasion. So you can ask, and by the way, you should soften everything I'm about to tell you. I'll go into softening in a minute. You can say, "What brought you here today? I'm curious. What brought you here today? Why are you here?" Okay? Why do we want to do that? It's a very simple, superficial question. But it does one very, very important, actually several very, very important statistical things. Ladies, especially for you, and especially for guys.

It gets them out of their head and into an interaction with you. It's non-threatening. It's no big deal. But most people are walking around perpetually inside their own head making movies. Okay, sometimes they're the good movies, sometimes they're not. Makes sense? The moment somebody [inaudible 00:51:09] says, "Hey, how are you doing?" Right?

What I've done is I've taken it from being internally directed to external, but now the next part is, "I've got to get his attention. And I've got to keep him interactive." So under no circumstances do you ever ask a question that can be answered with a yes or no. Right? You always ask an opinion, and not "Do you like the band? No. Shit." Right?. It's more like, "Hey, I saw you across the room. I thought you might be really interesting. I got a question for you. What do you think of the band?"

Speaker 15:

It's good.

Speaker 1:

It's good?

Speaker 15:

It's nice yeah. The singer is good.

Speaker 1:

The singer is good? What do you like about the singer? I'm curious.

Speaker 15:

The voice.

Speaker 1:

Is he hot?

Speaker 15:

That too.

Speaker 1:

Look at her. By the way, did you guys catch what I did? Did you catch the body shift. Look at her blush. Right? Now, again, these are certain triggers that the minute you assume a certain body position, it fires the physiological and emotional response, if you're in the right state. Little thing you guys, never touch your jaw. Okay, I want you to pay attention to how much tension is in your jaw.

Speaker 1:

Okay. I'm going to show you the exact same thing, and I want you to notice what happens. Hi, how are you doing? What happened? What do you feel?

Cathy:

It was very weird.

Speaker 1:

It wasn't pleasant though, was it? [inaudible 00:00:27] Hey, how are you doing? I got a question for you, what do you think of the band? It's my first time here.

Cathy:

It's all right.

Speaker 1:

Yeah?

Cathy:

Yeah. I've heard better.

Speaker 1:

You've heard better?

Cathy:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Speaker 1:

Like who?

Cathy:

You know, the little band that was here last week.

Speaker 1:

Last week? Okay, cool. Okay, I did some subtle things here. Did anybody catch it? She started here and then she shifted her head this way and so I did too. See the head orientation?

Cathy:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Speaker 1:

Okay. What I did with her the first time though, the only real difference, I try to keep it as same as possible, all I did was clench my jaw.

Speaker 3:

The second time?

Speaker 1:

The second time. All I did was put more tension in my jaw.

Speaker 3:

What does that do?

Speaker 1:

It triggers a completely different set of responses in the body. So here's how you tell if... Most of us think we have a relaxed jaw, here's how you tell: if you can take your jaw and move it, you're relaxed. But if you're like.... Oh, shit. See? Feel the difference?

A lot of us had to really concentrate on it because we're walking around with a perpetual clenching going on because there's a lot of tension and stress that we haven't resolved or we've bottled up inside of us. Okay. But just having that relaxed, open jaw triggers a completely different set of responses. Okay. Now, it's a little detail, but sometimes the devil is in the details. Does that make sense?

Your first approach is always going to be an opinion of some kind. It could be, "What do you think of the band? What do you think of the place setting? Did you like the coffee?" But the other thing I want you to do is I want you to do what we call softening. Softening is basically telling them why you're about to ask them what you're about to ask them. So when I [inaudible 00:02:23] with [Ivana 00:02:23], "Hey, I'm David. How are you doing?"

Ivana:

Ivana.

Speaker 1:

Ivana, I saw you from across the room, you looked really interesting, you looked like you kind of knew a little bit about the place. My friends and I, this is our first time here and this is our first time hearing the band. What do you think of them?

Ivana:

They look okay.

Speaker 1:

Look okay?

Ivana:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Okay, great. Her blink rate just went... Okay. But what did I do here? Strategically, I came in and I didn't say, "Hey, what do you think of the band?" No. I approached a little bit quick, but I said, "I'm here with a bunch of my friends and it's our first time here and this is our first time hearing the band. And I was curious, what do you think of the band?"

I told her why I was about to ask her what I'm about to ask her. When you do that, any question you give becomes very natural and very non-invasive. Okay. One of the things that happens with a lot of guys when they get tense is all pleasantries go right out the window, "Hi, how are you doing?" Right? They just lose that.

I do too. When I get stressed out, when I've got a lot of things going on, I forget to be nice. I just want to get my point across and get the information I'm looking for. Relationship key by the way guys: neurologically, when a man gets stressed out, he gets very global, he gets very big picture. When a woman gets stressed out, she gets very, very specific, very, very nitpicky. Okay.

So if you're paying attention, and it's hardwired, it's just the way you guys work-

Speaker 3:

What do you mean global again?

Speaker 1:

In other words, when a guy is pissed off, he says, "Cut through the bullshit, just tell me the bottom line."

Speaker 3:

That's what a guy would say?

Speaker 1:

That's what a guy wants to know basically, right. When a woman is upset, she's going to look at every little detail and just focus on every little thing and just go off, right. Now, the secret to that is, when she goes off, let her, because she's not going off on you, she's just going off at you.

Speaker 3:

What if she doesn't stop?

Speaker 1:

Let her.

Speaker 5:

Kill her.

Speaker 1:

And that's why we're single, anyway. But here's the point, here's one of the big... Again, this is a relationship thing, all right. This is one of the big misconceptions that we have, we think when a woman is just going off and just venting all this venom, that a lot of times it's...

If she's pissed off at something at the office, she comes home and she starts venting at you, two things; first of all, she doesn't want you to solve it for her. Got that? You want to piss her off more? Try and tell her the answer to her problem. She's more than smart enough to figure it out on her own.

What she does need is somebody who will just sit there and let her vent. Resist your urge to fix it. If she couldn't fix it, she wouldn't have the freaking job to begin with, right? This is one of the big things, because we're the protectors. We think if a woman starts going off, (a) it's either because we did something wrong, usually not, you're just the trigger, right, and we have to fix it.

Speaker 5:

It's got to be one of the most important dynamics [inaudible 00:05:34].

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Speaker 5:

We're here to help her and protect her.

Speaker 1:

Yep.

Speaker 5:

She [inaudible 00:05:40]. And then we get frustrated because [inaudible 00:05:40].

Speaker 1:

And after a few years of this, you'll hear this, when she talks her girlfriends, "He just doesn't get me." Why? Because she needs to vent, you're trying to solve her shit. And she tries to explain that to you using girl speak, but you try to interpret it using man speak.

Speaker 5:

[inaudible 00:05:56]

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Female:

Venus and mars.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. Not that everything up here is Reddit or anything. But we're back to approaching and flirting, right? The secret to this process, and by the way, I've used this in dating, I've used this in my ongoing relationships, I've taught this to lawyers who are deposing clients, I've taught it to sales people who use it to just skyrocket rapport.

Have you seen people doing it in negotiation? But it started as an attraction technique for women. So you're going to ask them, this is level one question by the way, location or occasion. In this case, when I approached Ivana and I approached... It's Cathy, right?

I keep wanting to call you Cassie and I'm not sure... Because my daughter's Cassie. You're young enough but not old. Nice try.

You want to ask an opinion, but the opinion is very superficial, it's very non-threatening, but it's designed to get them out of their head and into the world, interacting with you. It also does something very important that you may or may not have heard. How many people know what dissociation means?

Okay. Then you probably don't know what association means. Think about it this way: when I'm associated into something, it's like I'm watching it through my own eyes. How many people play video games? You guys know what a first-person shooter is? Versus a third-person shooter, where you're watching the guy shoot people, right?

The more associated in the interaction a woman or man becomes, the more absorbed they become, therefore the more of their nervous system starts to interact with you on multiple levels, they start to get more and more engaged.

This level question has a very strategic perspective; it's to create the opportunity for an interaction that creates association and outward focus of attention. So now we're talking, now we're locking, okay.

Once I've got that, I'm asking an opinion, so now she or he is telling me what they think. My job is to shut up and just ask more questions, but soften them.

Here's the beautiful part; the longer they talk, the better you look. This is what women are doing to you all the time guys, and why you never get called for a second date, because when you pick her up, you want to impress her, and so you take her to dinner, where you talk about your car, your job, your aspirations, everything that's important to you.

You take her to a movie where you talk about your car, your job, everything that's important to you. You go home, on the drive home you talk about your car, your job, everything that's important to you.

Speaker 5:

[inaudible 00:08:50]

Speaker 1:

You go for the kiss, she says, "Thank you very much." And you never hear from her again. And you have an ongoing relationship with her answering machine. Hey, why? Because she's doing to you what I'm teaching you to do back.

Beyond a certain level, she doesn't really want to know about you. She wants you to know about her. Okay. The more she talks about her life, what's powerful for her, what she's passionate about, what excites her, what motivates her, the more she associates you with those feelings.

This is why by the end of the day you are super attracted to the woman and she can't wait to get away, because you've been talking about you all night long. That's not what-

Speaker 5:

Maybe you're in love with yourself.

Speaker 1:

This is why most guys blow first dates. That and they've got sex on their brain. If all you did was ask her about herself, first of all, you've already set yourself apart from pretty much 9 out of 10 guys she's dated. Okay.

As she continues to talk, ladies, same thing, as he continues to talk, he's going to give away very important information about his life, his attitudes, his beliefs, how he moves through the world. And you're going to know within 15 minutes if he's a keeper or if you need to throw him back. Okay.

Because if you go to level-two questions, which are occupation questions, strategically, in America, and it's pretty true now for men and women equally, little bit with more of a tweak for women though; in America, you are what you do. Who you are is what you do for a living.

The building blocks of our identity are what we do. When a man starts to talk about himself, he'll talk about his job, he'll talk about his career, he'll talk about his prospects, his hopes, his dreams.

If you get a guy who starts telling you about how he just got a promotion, he loves his job, he's passionate, he can't wait to finally get enough real world experience, he's making a lot of money now but he's really passionate about starting his own business, you know you got somebody who's got some potential there, right?

All the while, the minute he starts talking about his own stuff, he's getting excited, he's getting passionate. Why? Because he's talking about the things he's passionate about. But who is he looking at? Who is he looking at when all those good feelings come up? You.

What are you doing? One part of you... This is what you should be doing if you're not; one part of you is going... You're preparing for words he leans on emotionally, paying attention to the things he really emphasizes. Another part of you is writing down, "Okay, he's got a good job. He's got a good car. There's no restraining orders out against him." Okay.

Speaker 5:

One's not so bad.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. Right. What you're doing at the next level is about occupation, is you're tapping in to a level of his inner world, that is the building block of his self-esteem, how he moves through the world, what he believes is true for himself, all the things that make him like himself.

Now, if you happen to ask the question, "I'm curious what you do for a living. What are you passionate about? What are your challenges? Where do you see yourself?" Those kind of things. And he starts talking about, "Well, I'll tell you, people at freaking work suck. They keep putting me down, motherfucker. I'm going to start my own business in a few years as soon as I get out of my mom's basement. Once I get out of the VA, I'll be fine. Doctor's changing my meds next week, I should be [inaudible 00:12:35]." Right.

Here's the thing, the more absorbed the person gets talking about their stuff, the more that shit's going to come out, and it'll just come out as... And we realize it, right. But here's the beautiful part; on one level, he's giving out all the information that's going to let you figure out, keeper, not keeper. Okay.

On another level, he's going to be attracting himself to you, because all we really want to see when we look at somebody else is us. We want to see the parts of you that are most like us, that we like. Sorry, but that's the truth. Okay.

The third part of that is, for those of you who are a little bit more savvy, as your man or your prospect is speaking, male or female, doesn't really matter, there will be certain words, certain key phrases that they will emphasize in some way, either tonally, their tone will drop, maybe their speed will tone, maybe the volume will change. Those are your gold nuggets. Those are the words that have a severe, powerful, emotional impact to them. They are parts of the checklist.

You don't have to know what those words mean. All you have to do is when it's your turn to talk, use those words to describe your experience and you will fire off those emotions every single time.

Speaker 6:

[inaudible 00:14:18]

Speaker 1:

Sure. What brought you here today?

Speaker 6:

Just curiosity.

Speaker 1:

Curiosity? Cool. I think it's good to be curious. So when you're curious about something, what is it that you wanted to get out of tonight that you were curious about?

Speaker 6:

About NLP and how it applies to the real world.

Speaker 1:

And how it applies to the real world. Right on. So you're curious about NLP and how it applies to the real world. So what's important to you about that? Personally. See insertion? There are some things he wants, but he's not sure how to bring it out. See you're starting to get emotional?

Speaker 6:

Okay. I see what it does.

Speaker 1:

Guys got to be stoic, right. This is a very, very simple process, but it has subtleties to it. As a person is talking about things that are the building blocks of their identity, they can't help but get emotional.

Speaker 6:

[inaudible 00:15:15]

Speaker 1:

Well, yeah. Did you realize that any time that I was actually giving your words right back to you?

Speaker 6:

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. That's all they want to hear. Whatever they give you is always enough, because he was trying to analyze what I was doing at the same time I was doing it to him, you can see it.

Speaker 6:

It's like a kid asking why is the Earth blue or something, [inaudible 00:15:34].

Speaker 1:

Well, not really. [inaudible 00:15:36] play with me. Let me ask you a question.

Speaker 7:

I don't want to play.

Speaker 1:

You don't want to play? All right.

Speaker 7:

Because I know what you're doing, and I will use it back at you. I know [inaudible 00:15:47].

Speaker 1:

So you want to play with me?

Speaker 7:

No.

Speaker 1:

No. You afraid?

Speaker 7:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 7:

I just don't like to do that.

Speaker 1:

Okay. But all you want to do is... And I'll let you guys do it. We have a little bar set up in the back so maybe I'll turn you guys loose on each other. You guys can do this.

Speaker 5:

Is that like conversational judo?

Speaker 1:

No, no. No. There was somewhat conversational Ninjutsu. But the secret is this is a very open, honest, and ethical thing that you're doing. Why? Because you're not lying. If there's not a match between you and this person, cross out the fact that they're hot, because they're going to make your life miserable. Okay.

What you're sorting for is, (a) is this person fun? Do we have anything in common? What are their prospects for the future? If you ask, "Hey, I'm real curious about something, what do you do for a living? Tell me what you do. She goes, "Well, I'm a..." If it's a guy talking to a girl, "I'm a yoga instructor." "Really? I've always been curious about yoga. What got you into yoga?"

And she goes, "Well, I was walking by and I saw a free class and I watched how they move and I liked how my... I like to move and I like to work with energy and stuff like that." Now, can you tell there are certain words I'm emphasizing? See how they kind of jump out?

Male:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Right. So when you go to describe your own experience, use those words. Right? It's really that simple. You don't have to know what those words mean in her world. In fact, the worst thing you can do is do what they call reflective listening. Anyone here know what reflective listening is?

Male:

You repeat whatever they say.

Speaker 1:

It's a [inaudible 00:17:29] technique, yes. Yes. First of all, most people will not, I'm making it very, very blatant and it still has an effect. Okay. I've taught this to Fortune 500 companies, I've taught this to, like I said, lawyers, doctors, the whole nine yards. That's an advanced level.

If all you did was just repeat their words back, agree with it, and ask another question, they'll do 90% of the talking and they will go home with you, or at least give you the chance at another date if you don't screw anything else up. Okay.

But the secret is, (a) you got to be playful, you got to be genuinely interested in them, not necessarily for sex, that will happen, okay. When I say for sex, I mean intimacy, I mean relationship stuff, okay. However you define it. This is the gateway, all right.

You get them talking about the things that are most important to them as a person, that are the building blocks of their identity. As they do, they have an immediate pleasure response. Even if it's shitty stuff, they're still talking about themselves, and people love to vent.

Of course, when they love to vent, for them, it's a go sign, for you it's a red flag. Bail. Eject. Right? Because you're sorting too. If you start asking her about... The tweak for guys is you can talk about career or occupation, or you can talk about what they're passionate about.

"I'm really curious, what do you love to do? What are you passionate about?" By the way, "I'm curious" is a great way to pre-frame. You can also say, "Just so I understand you better." Pre-frame everything, it softens everything.

Ladies, be careful with this, but what you can do is when you're ready to go to what we call level two questions, you can just say something like, "I'm really curious about something."

Male:

The touch.

Speaker 1:

The touch. Guys, pay attention to when they do that. Here's the rule, the unwritten rule: you do not have permission to touch any woman until she's touched you first. All right. Why? It's a biologically programmed response. When a woman touches you, and by the way, no touch is accidental, they will go to great lengths to make the touch seem accidental, casual. No. It will be deliberate, but it may not always be conscious. Okay.

Speaker 7:

I know. That's why [inaudible 00:20:20] proximity, because you touch them then [crosstalk 00:20:20].

Speaker 1:

It will always be subtle, and it will never happen right away, unless you've got her laughing and it's one of those playful slaps, right? It's just, "Ugh, you're so funny." Oh, look, the lady's [inaudible 00:20:32], right? Guess what? Am not. What did I just do?

Speaker 7:

[inaudible 00:20:40]

Speaker 1:

I touched her in exactly the same place with the exact same energy.

Male:

[inaudible 00:20:46]

Speaker 1:

No. Reflective listening will get you shot. Reflective listening is if I say, "I love classical music because it makes me relaxed and feel good and get all tranced out." Reflective listening would be, "Oh, so you love classical music because it makes you meditative."

Male:

[inaudible 00:21:10]

Speaker 1:

I'm trained in Kinesic Interview and Interrogation. Okay. Yeah, I study that shit. Okay. It's just an extreme of what we're doing. Here's the thing you need to understand; let's say you're talking to somebody who is very... I'll give you an extreme example.

Let's say you're talking to a woman who has a very, very strong orthodox Christian upbringing, Seventh-day Adventist or one of those really extreme... And you say the word meditation. "Satan!" But you just reflectively listened to her, right? No. The safest, easiest, most direct line to the man or the woman's identity level are the exact words that come out of her mouth in the order and sequence they come out. Okay.

It won't flag you, it's honest, because you can say, "You like passion, you like yoga because of... What was the other thing?" And you can ask again. And now you've gotten her to say the word again, or you've gotten him to say the word again. And of course, when he says the word again, poof! Because he's looking at you and those feelings come up, they get linked to you.

Remember that anchor thing we did? This is another way. People will forget what you say to them, but they will never forget how you made them feel. Don't you want people to just, when they think of you, to just light up? "Oh, he made me feel so good. Or she made me feel so good."

"I feel like such a man's man when I'm with her. There's just something about her that just makes me a better because of her." Right. That will happen. Yes.

Speaker 5:

[inaudible 00:23:10]

Speaker 1:

What about it?

Speaker 5:

[inaudible 00:23:13]

Speaker 1:

Of course.

Speaker 5:

[inaudible 00:23:13]

Speaker 1:

No, if you're not interested, why are you approaching?

Speaker 5:

That's where I was going.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. If you're not interested in the person, why are you even making an approach?

Speaker 5:

And if you are interested, you should be sincere in expressing it.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. Absolutely. This is what I mean when I say dominance equals authenticity. There is nothing more powerful than a very low-key, very direct, dominant approach, which means I'm walking up to you and I'm telling you why I wanted to meet you. I'm not putting on airs, I'm not coming with a cool pick-up line, although those will work, especially if you don't take yourself too seriously, right?

But we're always asking for opinions. We're always asking for people to open up and express their inner world, because when they do, when they look at us, they see themselves. And we get to find out if what's inside matches our inside. Because if there isn't a match, you're just... If all you sort for is hotness, man, might as well move to Newport or Orange County.

Male:

[inaudible 00:24:15]. Is that what you're saying?

Speaker 1:

It's a trophy wife thing. Here's the point, is you want a relationship that satisfies you on all levels, right? Now, I'll be honest guys, most of us are walking around with a case of perpetual starvation. We've got an itch that needs scratching. Okay. It's just the way the game is rigged.

If you use this, that will no longer be a problem for you, but you will become a much better man because of it. Because not only will you have more power and choice and freedom to meet and attract as many women as you want, you will get the opportunity to discover what characteristics other than the sexual side make you happy.

See, for us guys, the problem is sexual starvation. We'll take what we can get because we don't know if we'll get anything else, unless we're going to Tijuana. And even, it might be a donkey, I don't know. But my point is... And again, it goes for both sides. Ladies are frustrated because they can't find a good guy. Most guys are frustrated because they can't find anyone.

Right. I'm fixing it on both sides. But you got to understand a little bit about how the other side thinks, how the other side processes. Does that make sense? But you can both use the same exact framework to go from complete stranger to very, very intimate in as little as 15 minutes. Now, I wouldn't do that.

You can take the same framework and turn a one-minute interaction into a three-hour conversation. How do you do that? That goes to level three. Level two is about location occasion. Sorry, level one is the location occasion. Level two, occupation or passion.

Cathy, let me ask you a question. Just as an example and just because I actually do want to get to know you, because we had an interesting conversation during the break. What is it you're passionate about? What do you love to do?

Cathy:

What do I love to do?

Speaker 1:

Yeah. That you can share in front of a mixed audience.

Cathy:

Well, there's a lot of things I love to do, but I like to be creative.

Speaker 1:

You like to be creative? Like doing what? Do you sing? Do you dance? Do you do art? What?

Cathy:

I do a lot of it, I do a lot of it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. Oh, really? Go ahead, tell me more.

Cathy:

My issue is that I have a job that's very left-brain.

Speaker 1:

Ah.

Cathy:

I'm a very right-brain person.

Speaker 1:

So you have a left-brain job when you want to be right-brain lover.

Cathy:

Yeah. Very good.

Speaker 1:

Right. Cool. Pretty cool. So let me ask you a question, how can this help you? What really inspires you? Obviously your job doesn't get it for you, right? But there are other things that you do; your art, your creativity. Which one is the one that really gets it for you?

Cathy:

I think probably my art.

Speaker 1:

Your art? Yeah. And are you a paint... I mean, of the dozen, there's many different kinds.

Cathy:

I do sketching and painting.

Speaker 1:

Sketching and painting, okay. And what got you into that? How did you discover that?

Cathy:

It's just something I've always done since I was very young.

Speaker 1:

Cool. Right. Do you hear her voice? The longer she talked, the softer, the more engaged. And she knows I'm doing it. Right? Right? How do you feel about me right now?

Cathy:

I want to talk to you some more.

Speaker 1:

Exactly. I softened it somewhat, but again, because I paid attention, I gave her an ability and an opportunity to create a connection. And trust me guys, when a woman experiences that kind of connection with you, she will not let it go. She will fight to keep it. Okay. It's called the Zeigarnik effect, for those of you... Zeigarnik effect.

Male:

How do you say that? Spell it.

Speaker 1:

Z-E-I-G-A-R-N-E-C-K. Can you tell I'm a visual speller? And I might have misspelled it because I never actually looked at the [inaudible 00:28:31]. But here's the principle; it's used in marketing all the time, but it's hard-wired into human nature.

You will fight harder and experience... Well, first of all, you will fight harder to keep the dollar in your pocket than you will work to get a new one. You will fight harder to save money than you will be to get more money.

The flip side of that is also this; you will experience more pain from losing that one dollar than you will from gaining a dollar. The amount of pleasure you would gain from getting the dollar will not balance the pain you've lost from losing the dollar. We fight harder to keep what we already have.

Speaker 5:

Because you know it's part of [inaudible 00:29:23].

Speaker 1:

Well, again, the principle is global, whether it's a connection like we have or it's money in our pocket. This is why when you're dealing with people you give them a connection, and the threat of them losing it will cause them to fight harder to keep it.

This is why you give that guy an amazing night by letting him talk all about himself, and he's all excited, and he stalks you for the next six weeks. Why? Because you gave him something and he doesn't want to give it up.

Speaker 5:

So like feeding a stray cat [inaudible 00:30:01].

Speaker 1:

Yeah. We need to work on you. But here's my point; you're not putting on airs, you're not peacocking, you're not dressing outrageous, right, not coming out of [inaudible 00:30:18]. You could. All those things do work, but let's pretend like we're real people and not Mystery or some of these other guys, right?

I'm not saying their stuff... I know Neil. Okay, I know him, I know the guy. I know most of those guys, okay. What I'm giving you is how human beings do this stuff anyway. Matter of fact, I will give you access to a very special video. Were you there the night I demonstrated the seven stages of arousal and a woman fell in love with me?

Female:

I think that was my friend.

Speaker 1:

Was that Michelle? Oh, no, you're Michelle.

Female:

It was Christine.

Speaker 1:

Christine, yeah. Yeah. She was in the audience and I was demonstrating what happens, the physical cues that a woman goes through.

Male:

Was that the thing you posted on your Twitter?

Speaker 1:

No.

Male:

It was a video, this girl comes up and you do the whole energy ball thing.

Speaker 1:

No, no, no, no. No, no, no. That's the instant orgasm technique.

Male:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

It's a different class.

Female:

Do you have a [inaudible 00:31:20]?

Speaker 1:

The instant orgasm technique? Huh?

Female:

Was that videotaped? The one with Christine.

Speaker 1:

Yes. Yes. As a matter of fact, it's going into my next product because it is such a very, very clear example. And actually, in my last course on sensuality that I taught, sensuality enhancement, I actually used that clip and I literally stopped it on the monitor and broke it down for the guys in the audience, so they could see exactly what I was talking about.

There's seven biological or physiologically hard-wired phases, I call it the mating dance, that a woman will go through. And most of the time, the woman's leading the dance. But there are certain key moments in the dance where a guy has to do one or two simple things. If he does it, when he gets the cue, boom, instant match to the checklist, the barriers to intimacy drop, she gets hyper aroused, she gets hyper connected. Every woman in the room was cheering, remember?

Female:

Mm-hmm (affirmative). [inaudible 00:32:12]

Speaker 1:

Yeah. I'll get the clip out for you, because you hear the women just, "I'm cheering for it, this is the best chick flick ever." These things, as you go through this three-question process, okay, as you go through this three-question process, she or he, depending on how socially adept he is, most guys have the social adeptness of a caveman, so good luck.

Speaker 5:

[inaudible 00:32:37]

Speaker 1:

Well, you guys are different. You understand that? You know why? You chose to be here. I say this in my first book, most guys think because they're born with a penis, they know how to use it. Most guys think that the porn that they watched and the articles they read in Playboy are all they need to connect with a woman. Bad idea. Okay.

You need to understand, if you want a relationship... Now, if you just want to move through the world devouring women like cookies or whatever your favorite food is, a lot of this will help you but you're going to reap what you sow.

I'm not saying you shouldn't do it. I actually think you should, to a certain degree, because there's a certain level of evolution that every man needs to go through. And this is the world according to David, feel free to chuck whatever part doesn't fit you.

But by doing that, you'll reach a point where you become extremely selective about the women you choose, not right away. You will be like, "Oh, I have this new power." No, you will. You will. Ladies, you will too. You'll just be more frustrated more often because they won't measure up, you'll be throwing more back.

But you'll save a lot of time, and you'll be able to hook the ones you really want, and that's what's cool. Because when you go to the next level, they will fall in love with you. Okay. But you get them talking about their passion. Doesn't it make sense that if you're in a relationship with someone, you'd want them to be passionate about you? Right?

Now, when they're talking about their passions, what are you looking for guys? Are you looking for a match or something about what they're doing that fits something you like to do? If you guys have nothing in common other than the fact that you're both hot, you're going to be miserable. I'm sorry, it's just the way it is. Been there. Okay.

And again, I'm not saying don't date and meet as many women and make love to as many women as you can, because God knows women need good lovers, more so than you do. Okay. That's my other job, is to create better men.

Next level; level three. This is the coup de grâce technique. Okay. Remember, what you've done is you've taken somebody who was potentially a complete stranger, you've gotten them out of their head and into an interaction with you, it's very superficial, it's very safe. Women are going to scan for safety first.

If you don't match the safety criteria, anything you do that's even remotely sexual will fall into the creepy category. Okay. You got to create safety but excitement at the same time. See, flirting is a lot like, "Come away closer."

Speaker 5:

They need to find safety.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. They want to know you're not going to just overbear them and drag them out back and stop them-

Speaker 5:

[inaudible 00:35:48]

Speaker 1:

It's literally a physical-

Speaker 5:

Threat.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. Yeah. We all have approach anxiety. It's not actually approach anxiety, it's stranger anxiety. Okay. We all have this naturally hard-wired discomfort when somebody we don't know approaches us. But most of us interpret that as something that's lacking in us. No, it's just how your physiology works.

It's just a signal that you're about to meet somebody new. Then what you're going to do is your body is automatically going to send out a little blip on the radio that's looking for, okay, are they a friend or a foe? That will usually be a non-conscious, very quick flash of the eyebrows.

You see this, when I walk up to somebody and I go, "High, how are you doing?" Right. Did you see the eyebrow go? We call that the unconscious hello. Every mammal does it. The minute I approach... You see guys, you'd think they're the [inaudible 00:36:38] good old boys, you see them walk up just to a bunch of their guys saying, "Hey, how are you doing?"

You see the head? Right? If you pay attention to that when you approach and you give the flash or you return the flash, instant rapport, lowers the barrier, doesn't necessarily take it away completely. But these are all things you can do using your body before you even talk to her or him that will signal...

Speaker 5:

Is that a [inaudible 00:37:05] kind of thing, I know from a male point of view where you show some vulnerability [inaudible 00:37:09].

Speaker 1:

Not the neck, it's the eyebrows. The eyebrows are the most important physiological feature that you have. Okay. You walk around with no eyebrows, people are going to look at you really freaking weird. Okay. All right.

When people draw faces, they do the outline of the eyes but they always do the eyebrows. Your eyebrows are the most expressive part of you.

Male:

Just like with those people with the permanent eyebrows, [inaudible 00:37:34].

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah. And if they got Botox, the eyebrows don't move, you always don't know where you stand with them. But the secret is, the eyebrow flash is a non-conscious response, it's hard-wired.

When you approach, whether it's direct like this or from a side like this, give them the eyebrow flash. Yeah, just like that. You just did it. And you can't now return it.

Speaker 8:

So now, for a guy, it's perfect to do the eyebrow thing. How for a woman?

Speaker 1:

First of all, are you approaching a man or is a man approaching you?

Speaker 8:

Okay, let's put it in a situation, approach a man.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 8:

[inaudible 00:38:13]

Speaker 1:

Well, first thing is, as I approach, I'm going to see what he does. I'm going to watch his eyes.

Speaker 8:

You're not going to do the eyebrows?

Speaker 1:

I may or may not. Usually, if I'm approaching, I usually wait. Because what happens is, as you move through the different zones, general, social, when you reach their comfort zone, that's when the flash will hit.

Usually when you make eye contact, the moment you make eye contact or when you enter a certain zone, that's when the flash will hit you. And you've got about a half a second window. Actually, that's a long time, okay. And a lot of times, you can induce it in people.

If you're smiling and you're approaching in a non-threatening manner and your energy is right, you can do this and they'll do it back. See, you just did it. [inaudible 00:39:07] eyebrow just tweak up. See? You did it again. Right.

Speaker 8:

[inaudible 00:39:15] in a situation, because I'm thinking dating, flirting, yeah it's one thing, but these are all perfect skills, like you said, in marketing.

Speaker 1:

Yes. They're perfect.

Speaker 8:

And in business.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. This would be in any context.

Speaker 8:

And now I am thinking and I'm listening to you talking, advising that is right, but seeing myself how I would use it in a marketing situation.

Speaker 1:

As a rule-

Speaker 8:

So now would it be weird for [crosstalk 00:39:43]?

Speaker 1:

No. No, no.

Audience:

[crosstalk 00:39:43]

Speaker 1:

No, no. She's got a very good question. Okay, we're talking primarily about a dating contest.

Speaker 8:

[crosstalk 00:39:49] I don't want to look weird. [crosstalk 00:39:50]

Speaker 1:

Understand this, the unconscious hello is a cross-contextual behavior. Any time you meet somebody new for the first time or even if you've met them before, there will be that unconscious flash, whether you initiate it or you wait for them to initiate it and give it back, it will work.

Speaker 8:

So it still happens.

Speaker 1:

Yes. The rule of thumb will be: let them initiate. Once you understand a lot... I work at a little bit higher level than some of this stuff, okay. But my point is that if you can sense it and give it back, that's what they're doing. It's a shot across the bow.

They're basically saying, "Are you friend or foe? Are you like me or not like me?" And they're not even going to be aware of it consciously. They're not going to be aware of it. But you can change a potential enemy or a customs guard into somebody who just lets you pass. You can turn that guy who's going to give you a speeding ticket or not. I'm not saying this has other uses, a lot, all the time.

Speaker 5:

Do you want to hear something crazy that's exactly what you're saying? It just happened [inaudible 00:41:16] a week ago.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Speaker 5:

I got stopped for going 100 miles/hour going to a class [inaudible 00:41:18]. But when he was talking, I answered all of his questions, but when he wasn't talking to me, I wasn't even aware of it, I put my head in my hands, but not to impress him or anything, and he caught that. And there was a whole subliminal thing going on there.

[inaudible 00:41:40] I'm not going to give you a ticket [inaudible 00:41:40]. [inaudible 00:41:40] and he picked up on it, it was crazy.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. Women have the best bullshit detectors on the planet. Okay. This is why we started this group with feeling states. You see, most guys, and ladies you can confirm or deny this, most guys are looking for the right thing to say to a woman so they can get her to feel a certain way so she'll do a certain thing. Right?

And we're always struggling for the right words. We're always trying to give what we think is going to be the magic word, so to speak. Here's what I'm going to tell you, so we try to think about the words and hope it dribbles down and creates the feelings in us. We try to convince ourself to feel a certain way.

Here's my point; if you generate feelings inside of your body first, the tonalities, the qualities of your voice will change and match your physical feelings. The words that come out of your mouth, even if they're not that eloquent, will be congruent.

See, one of the fastest ways you detect bullshit is you look for incongruity, you look for things that are blown out of proportion or don't match other things. Women are better at that than men are, naturally. First of all, naturally and as a byproduct of their socialization, women are extraordinarily subtle in their body language cues. They are far more evolved than most of us. Okay. And you have to understand that.

So how do you work within that system? You have to generate authentic, congruent body language, words, and tonalities. The easiest, most direct way to do that is to change how you feel. Fastest way to change how you feel is to assume the posture of the state you want to go into.

Within two minutes, you will go into that emotional state. Not mumbo-jumbo, not hypnosis, neuroscience. They've taken it as far as if you hold what they call power postures, think about the posture we have when we win, what do we do when we win? Yeah. Right? How many of you here are into energy at all? Qigong or anything like that?

Male:

A little bit.

Speaker 1:

Okay. There's a Qigong posture called Zhan Zhuang, or standing as a stake. And it's really regarded as probably the most powerful Qigong posture there is. Basically.

Neurologically, they found out that when a person holds a victorious, triumphant, alpha male posture for as little as two minutes, their testosterone rises by 25%.

Speaker 5:

No way. I can give it another [inaudible 00:44:44].

Speaker 1:

I have an article, it's on my blog. I'll send it out to you. By the way, help yourself to the coffee and the water and everything, okay.

Male:

I did see the same thing [inaudible 00:45:03].

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it was a TED talk. I've been teaching that since the early part of this decade, they finally got around to verifying it. If you want to change the emotional state you're in, the fastest way to do it is change the way you're standing and hold it.

Matter of fact, in my conversation hypnosis course, that's the first thing I teach you. Because the environment can override your willpower, the context of the interaction. The hotness quotient of the person you're dealing with can override your ability to manage your own emotions. But nothing overrides your physiology.

Speaker 5:

Is that like a [inaudible 00:45:45] prison guard experiment, when they gave people [inaudible 00:45:45] power for prison guards and then [crosstalk 00:45:45]-

Speaker 1:

No, that's a social psychology experiment, that's different. And I know what you're talking about. That was the evil experiment too. That's another class. I teach a lot of social engineering concepts, a lot of social dynamics, but this one is primarily geared towards a networking business.

But back to your question, the eyebrow flash is universal. When in doubt, do back to your subject or your target, if you're thinking tactically, what they'd do to you. Does that make sense? Level three question. Tell me... What?

Female:

Is it, "Tell me your name?"

Speaker 1:

No. Tell me about where you grew up. Who were your friends? What did you play at? Tell me about where you grow up, who were your friends, what did you play at?

Male:

[inaudible 00:46:31]

Speaker 1:

What did you play at? They were very specific. Tell me about where you grew up. You can, again, pre-frame it, "So I'm really curious, tell me about where you grew up. Where are you from? Who are your friends? What did you play at?" Right.

Now, there were very specific questions here. This is evil, in a good way. Who here has ever heard of... Well, let me give you the basics of this first. First thing is; the most powerful experiences we have are the ones that happen from the age of zero to about 11 years old. They are the most powerful, primal, fundamental memories with the strongest emotional content as a rule, least amount of filters.

What we're going to do here is we've got them engaged in a dialogue, we've got them in a safe interaction, we've got them interacting with us. Hopefully they're interested because if we've asked the right questions, we're going to be the most interesting person in the room. Why? Because we're letting them talk about themselves, which is the topic they are the most interested in.

Guys, gals, it doesn't matter what gender you are, this is just the way we're built. I didn't write the rules, I just report them. Okay. The most interesting topic to us is us. And that's why you can sit there and ask a few simple questions, let them talk, and they will think you were the most amazing conversationalist they've ever been with. Because most of us are just waiting for that person to finish talking so we can talk about us.

Speaker 5:

[inaudible 00:48:13]

Speaker 1:

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. We can laugh and we can joke but it's really the way things work, but it's very honest and authentic because we do. Remember the context in which approaching. Okay, they're hot, they're somebody that is interesting to us. We want to know if they're really interesting. Are they fun to be with?

We want to ask them questions in a structure that is very natural, it moves from very safe, superficial level of interaction to progressively more fulfilling, exciting pleasures of intimacy. By the time you hit level two questions, she will be in what we call the bubble or he will be in what we call the bubble.

You will usually see a forward head tilt, they will be just talking and talking and emoting and the world will disappear, it will be just the two of you. When you guys see the video of the seven stages, you'll literally see the bubble. Okay. And it's universal. Okay.

There's seven very distinct body language phases. It's [inaudible 00:49:21] because most of the time the woman's leading. And there's only two or three times a man has to do something and they almost always get it wrong.

Speaker 5:

The one thing guys [inaudible 00:49:33].

Speaker 1:

No. No.

Speaker 5:

Perfect record.

Speaker 1:

Look, I have to-

Speaker 5:

[inaudible 00:49:44]

Speaker 1:

Here's the thing, I don't have time to go... I want to let you guys practice this a little bit, but maybe would you just keep going with the lecture? Is that what you guys want to do? What do you guys want to do? Do you want to actually practice this and actually get to meet somebody interesting?

Male:

Lecture's good.

Speaker 1:

I had a guy, and I hope he doesn't see this video, he actually emailed me, he wanted to come to my workshops. I've been avoiding workshops because at the beginning of every workshop, you always go around and make everybody introduce themself and tell them what they want to get out of that night. And I just feel like it's really rude and obnoxious to put people on the spot like that.

Female:

That's why I come in late on purpose.

Speaker 1:

And I'm thinking to myself, self because that's who I am, "He's coming to a flirting workshop." Well, he's not here tonight, at least I don't think he is. If I embarrassed you, I'm sorry, but think a little bit. Right.

That is my way of doing it because I want to make sure the content I give is targeted, right. I write really cool things on my bullet points and I try to stay within that framework, but each and every one of you are here for a very specific reason, and you know what that is.

And I need to make sure that when you leave here tonight, you got what you came for and you're ready for more. Does that make sense?

Tell me about where you grew up, who were your friends, what did you play at. Now, if they tell me about where you grew up, who were your friends?, and what did you play at, and the first thing they talk about, "Well, my father left me when I was seven, so I'll tell you about my mom. And I grew up in a real rough part of town. I always got beat up and I was bullied." Did they follow instructions?

Audience:

No.

Speaker 1:

Remember, this level of question is the deepest, most fundamental, primal level of a person. It colors everything that comes after it; their outlook on life, what they think they deserve, what they don't think they deserve.

If you ask about positive childhood experiences and they immediately lapse into something less than that, red flag. Because (a) they weren't paying attention, and (b) they're not telling you what you're asking for, they're telling you what they want you to know, what you actually do want to know. It's not for the reason you thought.

See, those are the things that will come up three months from now or four months from now or after you marry. Okay. Now, let's take the...

 

Speaker 1:

... actually do follow the instructions. Here's the other thing, by the time you reach level three questions, you're going to be deeply connected to this person, too. That's why you only go to level three when you're sure you want to know more and you want to kind of lock it in, okay?

Tell me about where you grew up, what did you play at? Here's the other thing, when you ask a person these questions, it is the equivalent of having a hypnotic age regression. They cannot go back and bring up those memories without first going into a trance state, bringing up all the feelings, and as they talk about them, who are they looking at? Who did those feelings get connected to? And guess what, what is the foundation of love, besides the hormones?

Speaker 2:

Connection?

Speaker 1:

Connection? What's the foundation of connection?

Speaker 3:

Shared experiences?

Speaker 1:

Shared emotional experiences. In that one set of questions, you've taken them to the earliest, most powerful part of their life, the most pleasant experiences, you've reactivated them, had them relive them, and have them experience it with you. [crosstalk 00:01:22] How many times have you been- [crosstalk 00:01:26]

Speaker 4:

[inaudible 00:01:26] My only question is, of course it's so serious. What have... [inaudible 00:01:32] what percentage of women would allow you to go there? This so deep and personal that she would just hear some stranger [crosstalk 00:01:40].

Speaker 1:

You're not a stranger anymore.

Speaker 4:

...that she worked her way down to the third level.

Speaker 2:

[inaudible 00:01:49] she's not interested in you, and you don't waste time on her

Speaker 1:

Yeah. That's the whole point is there's no commitment here other than a casual hello, a quick opinion about something. There's no commitment. There's no investment. There's very little intimacy. There's no threat, relatively speaking. But as they engage the barriers to intimacy drop. Engagement and absorption amplify, and you become your own little world, it's your own personal love bubble for lack of a better word. It's a connection bubble. It's really not love yet, but this will create a level of connection and intimacy and trust. There it is.

Speaker 4:

[inaudible 00:02:34].

Speaker 1:

If you've done your work right, she will actually be more open to going somewhere.

Speaker 4:

[inaudible 00:02:41] one...

Speaker 1:

This could be as little as 20 minutes.

Speaker 4:

Really?

Speaker 1:

Yeah. I wouldn't do that. But again, this is stuff that was field tested this way. But the seven stages was actually done by social psychologists. And that's also a 20 minute framework. But here's the point. It's the quality of the interaction that's important, not how fast you do it.

Guys. You have to remember this. Ladies, I'm sorry to say this, but guys, we look at sex as the main objective of the interaction. We look at sex as the dessert or as the main course. We're going to get through the dinner. We're going to get through the movie. We're going to get through the drinks afterwards so we can get to sex. To the main event, right? To the woman you're with, everything prior to sex is the main event. If you skip that part, you won't get it. Period.

If you just take sex off the table, if you just find out- Hey, focus on having fun, focus on going through this natural process of getting to know a person and creating that connection. They'll take you to bed because first of all, they'll be amazingly attracted to you, you'll be doing all the right things, you'll be paying attention to them on a level no man ever has. And that's what they want. That's what they want. They don't care about your car, except sometimes, they don't care about how overweight or underweight you might be. What they care about beyond physical type is how you make them feel, okay? This is how you give them the feelings they've always fantasized about. They've been told is out there, but never seem to find.

Speaker 3:

I kind of logically understand that-

Speaker 1:

It's a very logical process, where you're dealing with emotional stimulus.

Speaker 3:

Yes. But I don't understand level zero, right around how to actually approach or-

Speaker 1:

You can walk up and you say, "hi, how are you doing"

Speaker 3:

..so certain situations, clubs, it's not possible to talk. So you cannot really-

Speaker 1:

Of course it is. Of course it is.

Speaker 3:

It's so loud.

Speaker 1:

Right. So here's the strategy. I'm going to give you guys the approach strategy if you're in a crowded venue or something like that. But I needed to make sure, A, that we got our physiology, the feeling stuff handled, because if you don't have your state right... And by the way, it's okay to be nervous. It's okay to be a little tentative. Just be genuine because a little bit of shyness is very sexy to women.

Just, don't do this: "Hi how're you doing". I actually did that. Who did I do that with at the last one? Cause we do that, we talk to a little bit lower than we're supposed to.

So tell me about where you up? Who were your friends? What did you play at? This is a hypnotic age regression.

Speaker 3:

What was [inaudible 00:06:04] start of that question?

Speaker 1:

Who were your friends? What did you play at?

Speaker 3:

What do you mean [crosstalk 00:06:07] play at?

Speaker 1:

What did you like to do when you were a little kid? What'd you like to play with?

Speaker 3:

Play at?

Speaker 1:

Yeah. Play at. What games did you play?

Now I've been talking about living apart in this situation. This question you are saying it's very intimate. [inaudible 00:06:23] it is very intimate.

Yeah.

Speaker 5:

It takes trust to answer this question, right? Would it be appropriate to ask, let's say-

Speaker 1:

Depends on-

Speaker 5:

Someone you work with or potential client or whatever.

Speaker 1:

It depends on the responses you're getting at level one and two.

Remember, it's a screening process. It's simultaneously doing two things, it's giving us information...actually three things. It's giving us information that we can use. In sales we've always heard the term hot buttons, right? You just got to find his hot buttons. Every word they emotionally lean on. Every phrase that changes from the way they normally talk is a hot button. You don't need to know what it means because they already do. All you have to do is use it. Now will you know more about that person? Will you understand more about that person than any guy or girl they've met before? Abso-freaking-lutely

Speaker 5:

But won't they perceive it as pushing too far?

Speaker 1:

No. Not at all. As long as you don't do it like an interrogation, because remember I talked about softening, right? Tell people why you're about to ask them what you're about to ask them.

My friend, James, I call him my corporate seduction specialist. He's a head Hunter. He's a recruiter for Fortune 500 Fortune 100 companies. He habitually picks up the phone calls, complete strangers, and seduces them into leaving one company to join another, usually CEOs and things like that. He works with guys like Bill Gates, and I think he even worked with Stephen Hawking and some of the projects he had going on. This is what he does. He's a disembodied voice on the phone, and the first thing he does is he says, "I got a project. And your name was given to me in reference to a project I'm working on. And I'm just wondering if you could give me your input."

Does he say I'm trying to hire you away? No. He gives them a reason to engage. It gets their curiosity, but he uses this all the time.

Speaker 3:

Why does he do that? After that.

Speaker 1:

He asked about their job and then he asked, "Well, what's really important to you about what you do", and he'll pre-frame it, "just so I understand you better" [crosstalk 00:08:38] or he'll say "Let me ask you this. The project I'm working on is very sensitive and I need some really strong input." And it's a lot like what you do in your field of expertise. So if I could ask you this, "What's important to you about what you do? What's important to you about why you got involved with this company?" And then he just drills down. But it's the pre-frame, it's the reason why you're about to ask them what you're about to ask them. I'm going to go real gutter here. It's the lubricant that makes everything slide in. But it literally is that true. People try to use a lot of NLP and linguistic techniques in copywriting and marketing messages and they do it badly because they don't understand the concept of softening. Real good linguistic NLP, you should never feel the push.

When NLP is used inarticulately and without softening, it's very blunt and it's very overtly manipulative and it causes psychological reactants. It causes a knee jerk, visceral resistance to it. Even if it's something you said you wanted, the fact that you perceive somebody's trying to convince you of it makes you resist it. The key to bypassing that is targeting their hot buttons. And again, it doesn't matter if it's a negotiation. It doesn't matter if it's a networking function, a social function, even a relationship function, you got to go for the criteria and values. You got to give them what they want in a way that they recognize that they're getting what they want.

That's important

If they're asking for apples and you're giving them oranges, even though the keyword was fruit... Right? There's going to be a mismatch, a message to market mismatch. I do a lot of my own marketing, obviously, and I have a lot of products online and I write all my own copy and everything else. So I understand this. You've got to get out of your head and into their world and whatever comes out of their mouth, whatever they do with their bodies is exactly what they want done to them, and the thing they understand the most, and the fastest way to get it is just pay attention. Just pay attention. It's hard to do sometimes because all those emotions start to buffet us, and we only saw it for certain things. That's why feeling good on demand is really important because if you can feel good on demand and you get in the habit of just moving through the world that way, it only gets better. Second of all, you only sought for things that make you feel good.

And, you'll start generating those responses in other people. So if that's right, your body's right, your head's right. You just walk up to somebody. You can tell them a joke it you wanted to. Like one of my favorites in Starbucks, is a test I throw out there to see who's actually got a sense of humor. I'll walk up, my favorite drink is a grande decaf Americano, and they'll always ask you, do you want room for cream? I say, no, just some ice cubes. So I don't spontaneously combust. And that's what I sought for: who laughs?

Speaker 3:

[crosstalk 00:11:44] ice cubes?

Speaker 1:

Why? Because it's usually too freaking hot. It's a pace of what's going on in their reality. They're used to that. But it gets their attention. It gets them laughing. Which means if they're laughing at the same time, I'm laughing, we're breathing at the same rate, stimulates an oxytocin release. And because I'm directing you to this person, but everybody around me can hear it. They laugh too. So now we have social proof and if she doesn't laugh, next.

Cause if you got somebody who's not going to laugh at your jokes, it's going to be a real boring fucking night.

Speaker 3:

You sure?

Speaker 1:

Yeah. Especially the serial daters are girls have like three or four dates lined up and they're just having the little safety bailout calls. Oh, you think you're the only one that does it? No, but here's my point. Humor is an instantaneous tension release, it triggers oxytocin release. But if you, if you give somebody some humor and I highly recommend each and every one of you really start investing in developing the ability to A, take yourself less seriously, have more fun and get people to laugh.

One laugh and it's luck. Two laughs you're a clown. Three laughs, now you're funny instead of just doing something funny, it becomes an identity they assign to you. And by the way, humor goes right to the reptilian brain. As a survival trait, women will sort for a man with a good sense of humor. Not just because it makes them feel good because humor is a sign of intelligence. Intelligence is a transferable survival optimizing trait.

Speaker 3:

[inaudible 00:13:42].

Speaker 1:

Yep. Laughter will do a lot of good things for you. Socially as well as physiologically. Women, you need to tell us jokes, but laugh at everything.

Not quite everything. "Men can't take it out here with the mighty sword." That's a [inaudible 00:14:01] Wings quote

So three levels of question. What's the first one?

Speaker 3:

[crosstalk 00:14:11]

Speaker 1:

You're going to wait for the juggler.

If you walk up to somebody in a bar and go, "Hey, tell me about where you grew up." You're going to get one right between the goalpost.

What's the other one questions, Jeff.

Speaker 2:

[crosstalk 00:14:32]

Speaker 1:

"Hi. How are you doing?" That's how we open, right?

Now let me go and say, "Hey, I'm curious. What do you think of the center piece? Or what do you think of the band?" Or what my guy did, who went out and hooked his girlfriend, like the next night? He was in a club. He walks up to go, "Hey, wonder if you could help me? Do you know where the drink specials are? Or what are the drink specials tonight?

Speaker 2:

Lets go find out.

Speaker 1:

Exactly. What did we do? It was brilliant because you're in a club you have common reason for being there, and you're asking for information. Non-threatening, and she said, "let's go find out". And she'll walk your ass over there. And if she doesn't, she'll say "I don't know".

Next!

Because that person's not a good candidate for you. I hate to use this term, and I hate to sound evil when I say this. At the beginning of this, you want to go for the low-hanging fruit. What do I mean by that? You want to sort for the people who demonstrate an obvious interest in getting to know you, that meet your physiological criteria.

Speaker 3:

For practice.

Speaker 1:

Well, here's the point. One of the things you guys asked about, how do we start this whole process? When you enter a venue, whether it's a party, a reception, anything, the first thing you want to do when you walk in, this is for guys, especially, you guys won't have this problem most of the time, but it'll work for you too. When you walk in, first of all, when you walk in, you want to have a rockstar energy. In other words, you walk in like, you're expected. Like, if you can get that feeling of being popular and attractive and just bring the alpha guy, not being a knuckle dragger kind of alpha guy, but a guy who's more like you're a rockstar.

And you're always having these people falling. You have an entourage and you're kind of there. That's the feeling you want to have. Why? Because when you walk in with that energy and it's not like you're trying to be pompous, it's just you take up more space. More space signals dominance, it signals alpha, it signals strength, which is what they're hardwired for. But you want to have that energy of fun, maybe a little bit of rebelliousness. Women love rebelliousness. It's adds mystery to them. What you do as you walk in the room, you just want to scan the room from one side to the left. Like you're looking for your group. What you're really doing. You are actually looking for your group, it's just not the group most people think. And you're looking for the restroom. As you scan the room, you're looking at everybody who's looking at you. You're looking for everybody who's looking for you, and you are looking for positive eye contact. What is positive eye contact? Nathan?

"Oh shit, he asked me a question, now what?" What's positive eye contact?

Speaker 3:

Eye contact that's not creepy.

Speaker 1:

So it's not this.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Okay. Kathy what's positive eye contact?

Speaker 2:

Making a connection.

Speaker 1:

Making a connection. Okay. That's really not helpful.

Uncle what's positive eye contact?

Speaker 4:

It kind of says, hi?

Speaker 1:

Kind of says, hi? That's really really subjective, isn't it?

Speaker 4:

Just non-threatening-

Speaker 1:

Let's get scientific. Do you want to see positive eye contact? By the way, it this positive eye contact?

Speaker 4:

No.

Speaker 1:

No.

Here's the deal. We probably won't have time, but man, I really talked a lot today, didn't I. You guys having fun with this?

Speaker 3:

Yes!

Speaker 1:

Okay. Remind me, I have some business cards for everybody. I'm going to give you each two cards. One you can keep, one you need to write down your contact information because I'm going to give each of you a free membership account to one of my sites where I have a lot of this information. You can just download it for free. Okay? I promise I won't spam you. I may harass you, but I won't spend it. And we'll actually give you a copy of that video clip and maybe some other things that you can start to put this to work. Because if you just do the three magic questions, you're just going to put yourself in a whole different category in terms of relationships.

If you combine it with the seven stages, which is a video you hear me reference, you're going to be unstoppable because you'll avoid all the mistakes that blow you out of the water. And you'll get more picky because you'll only [inaudible 00:19:13] for guys who know when to make the right move at the right time. And they'll know when to read your cues so that they know when you're ready for them to make the move. Okay. It's kind of a cool thing. Okay. I'll also put in there the special lines that you can use to extricate yourself from situations because there's levels to it. You can always say, give me your email and I'll get back to you.

You haven't blown them out of the water, but it actually gets them... anyway, getting back to this. You move in, you survey the room. Positive eye contact means when I smile, do the little muscles on the side of my eyes crinkle up? Best way to get good at this is look at pictures of celebrities. And you'll notice from here down, they're all smiles. From here up, there's nothing going on.

Speaker 3:

[inaudible 00:20:07]

Speaker 1:

Well sometimes yeah, but again, here's the thing. Everything in the body is connected. When people numb that part of themselves, it goes back into their liver and they become emotionally less responsive. Okay.

So again, we want to only talk to people who actually show an interest in us. So one of the things that we sort for is positive eye contact. That means there's a smile, a real smile, not a fake one. Remember if you walk up to someone and go, "Hi", are you smiling? Or "Hi". Right? And, you guys are going "Shit!" She smiled. She must like me.

Now remember something, when you approach a woman and she gives you one of those half-baked smiles, it's probably not about you. I know, big shock. If a woman didn't want to meet people, she wouldn't be there. So if she's in a bad mood or if she doesn't respond the way you'd expect, it's probably not you. Unless you come up and you- your bad body odor or something. If you walk up, say "Hi", she blows smoke in your face, that's usually a red light.

Speaker 3:

[inaudible 00:21:25].

Speaker 1:

Anything else you can work with. Why work harder than you have to, right? Ladies, you want to meet a guy who's got confidence, who's got certainty, who's strong enough to be real and open, but not a wimp kissing your ass so you'll do things for them, right? They're going to sort for that guys. Okay? The problem is most of your body language either goes right by him or signals the exact opposite that you don't want them to approach. So you have got to actually overemphasize the positive eye contact.

Now the caveat to that is you will get approached a lot more. Okay? But your hit rate to get the kind of guys you actually want to talk to will also go up. But now you have a sorting mechanism, right? And then I'm going to give you some of the phraseologies that you can use to extract yourself. But if you want to have a better selection of men, you've got to be more approachable. You've got to signal. See, most guys- Watch this, guys, let me ask you guys a question. If you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that a woman actually wanted you to talk to her, how comfortable and confident would you be in going up and saying hi?

Speaker 3:

[inaudible 00:22:51]

Speaker 1:

If you knew she already wanted you- Where's your fear of rejection?

Speaker 3:

Gone.

Speaker 1:

Exactly. I'm telling you how to do it. Anytime a woman gives you positive eye contact. It is an indication of interest, potentially attraction, but interest. If you do not approach, if you do not say hi, if you do not initiate something, it will never go beyond that. You've heard of something called the three-second rule. If you see somebody, you make eye contact, you have three seconds to approach her. You get classified into the wimp category? Not exactly true. That was just something they created to get guys to take immediate action, to get them moving.

You actually have three looks. She'll look at you three times. You may not catch it, but there'll be about three. And if you can return it positively within those three looks, you can roll. Right. But it'll be subtle, it won't be...

Speaker 2:

It won't be that. It'll be one of these.

Speaker 1:

I'm halfway through the process. But I have to pay very close attention, to when she makes those shifts. The closer I do it in response to her shifts, the faster the system synchronized, intimacy enhances, and she gets... all the red flags go away. Because even though you're not consciously or verbally doing anything, at a Preconscious Level, at a Neurological Level, whether it's guys or girls doing this. You are signaling, "I'm just like you."

Speaker 2:

She drops her dress. That's a good sign, I think.

Speaker 1:

No. Because she'll test you. Many times, a woman will actually make an overtly sexual comment, or a really suggestive comment to see what you'll do. And if you respond in a sexual manner, you just failed the test. Okay? It's subtle. Right? Here's the secret. And again, this is important. If a woman makes an overtly sexual comment to you. Look at her eyelid. Look at their pupils. Okay? The more into you, and this works for both genders. The more attracted to you a person becomes, the bigger their pupils get. They can't hide that. But that only works, if you look at their pupils the moment you meet them. Huh?

Speaker 3:

[inaudible 00:01:28].

Speaker 1:

It's very common to people who understand Neuro Physics and Physiology. But the problem is, is that we don't do it.

Speaker 3:

Doesn't mean you need a reference point, but beginning [inaudible 00:01:40]

Speaker 1:

Yes. Because you can't calibrate change. You can't have something compared against.

Speaker 3:

That's pretty hard.

Speaker 1:

Not really. No, because the stuff I do is not... When you start doing this stuff right they will not be small signals. They really aren't. When I was doing the demo.